Anyway, a Whitman's Sampler of Beverly Hills' housewives pour into the room in an ebb tide of bouffant hair, silicone, pink, and sky high heels. They are thrilled at all the pink and all the doggy touches. (One of the teams has gone so far as to recreate the beloved pup's face in frosting, and if that doesn't insure a win I don't know what will.) While the judges and Housewives take their seats, inside the kitchen, Melissa is panicking because her cannelles will not stop melting. A team member shriekingly points out that "It's not going to cannelle! Just pipe it!" which I assume is some hardcore pastry MacGuyver shit or something. Then everyone's yelling, "The cherries are down! The cherries are down!" and it feels like The Hunt for Red October and the sub is running out of air and then suddenly they are out the door and serving pink desserts to Housewives, which is probably only slightly less stressful than being on a nuclear sub with a rogue commander.
After studying the Real Housewives, Gail pushes her boobs out, flattens her hair, and introduces her tablemate: Real Housewife Kyle Richards, guest judge Hugh Acheson, guest of honor Lisa Vanderpump, Judge Johnny Iuzzine, Real Housewife Taylor Armstrong, Taylor Armstrong's lips, and Lisa's daughter, and, of course, Lisa's husband and her little dog, too. Amanda's team is going first. They wisely slather on the compliments while introducing their table setting reminding Lisa that she has impeccable taste, perfect tits, is very skinny, and has shiny hair. Lisa nods beatifically. Up first is Amanda who has made a cava gelee with a buttermilk foam and a raspberry topper. The Housewives start making fat jokes, but dive into the desserts anyway. It's their job after all. Carlos has made a guava pate de fruit cigar filled with fromage blanc. It is pink, pretty, and ripe for making lewd jokes about. Perfect for the Housewives! Katzie made a macaron with mascarpone with strawberry jam and mint in a little pipette. Melissa foolishly decides to lead with her mistake and says her white chocolate cremeux was supposed to be a canelle, but she failed miserably. Now it's a sauce with a rose gelee and a rhubarb something or other. Surprisingly everyone really likes the dish. Megan (who I have never seen in my life) made a beautifully layered almond and red velvet cake. The dog got a treat, too, which he eats right off the table because he is ILL MANNERED.