Top Chef Just Desserts
Villa Rosa

Episode Report Card
LuluBates: C+ | Grade It Now!
Extra! Extra!

For the Elimination Challenge, the group is once again divided into teams. No one looks happy about this. Craig gets to pick the opposing team captain and he elects Amanda, the girl who made the pina colada gum, which is a bad choice because we KNOW she has a boyfriend because that is who she drinks pina coladas with. Also, takes walks in the rain. Then they take turns picking teammates until only Rebecca and Melissa are left. Last pick? Melissa, of course. She is huffy about being picked last, of course, and is then shocked that she is picked last. She goes on an on-camera rant about it: Why does this keep happening to her? Obviously they just can't stand the threat of a strong, powerful, talented woman of color on their team. The fact that you're whiny and not a team player has nothing to do with it at all.

Once the teams are established, Gail introduces the challenge. They will be designing a dessert scheme for A REAL HOUSEWIFE OF BEVERLY HILLS. Oh. My. God. Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod. * DYING * To be specific, they are creating a dessertscape for Russell's wake! Tasteful right? Okay, that was not tasteful. Rather, they are helping Lisa Vanderpump's creepy Euro hubby (and his little dog, too) to surprise Lisa on the second anniversary of their restaurant. He thinks it would be hilarious and touching and amorous to make the whole restaurant pink for the evening. Also to have desserts and 100 cameramen fill the place. Romantic right? Everyone oohs and ahhs like they care about the Real Housewives and their creepy dogs. After asking some probing questions about what color flowers Lisa likes (pink) and her favorite dessert to make for her daughter (catered), the teams get to work. After nearly getting kicked off the show, Amanda is getting in touch with her inner dominatrix. Craig, however, is more laissez faire and is helping make macarons (they're the next cupcake!) and being a team player. Orlando is making a candy chandelier, supposedly, but in its current state it looks like a condom, which I'm sure the Real Housewives can appreciate. Or at least recognize. Amanda's team is making six different desserts as well as a little treat for the little dog, too. Craig's team is sculpting the dog in sugar or something. Soon enough it is the end of the day. Only Melissa managed to screw up badly enough that she has to start over from scratch the next day. Obviously the butter is racist.

The next morning, tragedy strikes: Amanda wakes up with the sniffles. How will she ever cook with the sniffles?! R.I.P. Amanda. Despite this setback, the chefs return to the kitchen and prepare to be overrun by Housewives. Real ones, even. The teams rush to decorate their tables. Craig's team is combining whimsy and modernism and PINK. The centerpiece is Orlando's pink rose-covered pulled sugar octopus phallic symbol, which will really wow the Housewives. He then makes the ill-advised decision to cover the whole thing with flowers and then strewn rose petals around the table. The other team has crafted a giant bamboo stick with a dingle dangling rose bouquet that somehow looks less vulgar than Orlando's sugar creation. While I thought the chefs were taking over Lisa Vanderpump's restaurant, they are in fact only taking over two banquet tables in the Top Chef dining room. It's not exactly a thrilling crescendo to the action. But this show is not really known for thrilling crescendos is it? It's no Mahler, that's for sure (I've never listened to Mahler, I'm just trying to sound fancy.)

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Top Chef Just Desserts




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