The beef is up next and Ted's first question to Tiffani is, "Can I have the recipe?" "Yeah, I'll come to your house and make it," Tiffani offers. Ted loved the seasoning. Colicchio also thought it was great and is drooling over how good it is to see her food again. He wants her. Sam says he was trying to keep his dish rustic. Gail thought it was really interesting and adds, "Those flavors were so strong." There's no "but" there, so it's hard to tell if that's a positive or a negative. Sam and Tiffani admit to not paying attention to each other's dishes. Colicchio boggles at this. Stephen pipes up that he looked at all the dishes, as did Marcel. As to where the team captains thought they stood, Stephen says, "My analysis was, we were standing way beyond the other team at the end of the competition." Season Two snorts. "EVERY SINGLE COURSE?" Padma basically yells. Padma, this is Stephen, of course he thinks every single course was perfect. He was the team leader, there is no other way to look at it. Marcel says he's "going to have to go ahead and disagree." He thinks the Twosies were better. Ted thinks they should absolutely disagree.
Before she lets them go, Padma wants to know if they all learned something from their Top Chef experience. Marcel learned a whole lot. Colicchio asks if Marcel changed the way he now acts in the kitchen based on how he was perceived on the show. No. He's all Marcel, all the time. Tiffani feels that sentiment as well. She learned to loosen up. Okay, this is all touchy-feely and Mister Rogers-y and stuff, but can we move on? Padma finally excuses them. Colicchio expressively bites his flavah-savah as they leave. I really want to send him a razor.
And now for the Judges' Corned Beef Rehash. Back and forth, back and forth. Sounds like Elia may have beat Dave, Stephen beats Marcel, Harold edges Ilan (but only barely, as both dishes weren't really loved), and Tiffani probably beats out Sam, but it's not certain.
Ask.com? "Algorithm" is never going to be verbed. It's already too hard to say.
The final decree comes down, and Elia's scallops do "slightly" beat Dave's. With the lobsters, Colicchio says "slight edge" goes to Stephen. We're at 1-1. Without repeating that Harold's duck dish seemed incomplete, Colicchio says that "a lot went haywire" with Ilan's duck, so Harold wins. 2-1. Finally, to reaffirm what almost everyone feels on the forums, Tiffani beats out Sam, thus securing the Onesies as the superior cheftestants. In almost every way. Stephen tells us how proud he is to be proven right. Padma announces that the Onesies have won $20,000 for the Susan G. Komen Foundation. The two seasons shake hands. In closing Marcel advises Season Three to "use a lot of saffron, like astronomical amounts, and don't do duos." Okay, say goodnight, Marcel. Elia wants them to all be themselves, "The moment you stop being who you are then you're going to get eliminated." Unless you get eliminated for being yourself. Like Krazy Ken. Sam advises, "Don't read the blogs because you'll find shit on there that you don't want to know about yourself that you probably didn't even know about yourself." Oh, Sam, I didn't really think you were a serial killer -- just crabby. And scary. And a cannibal. And That Guy. Tiffani advises them to hold onto their roots. Ilan brings it all home, "Go in with an open mind, because that's how you'll win. That's how I won!" Yes, a mind open to Spain. Padma wants all their attention again so she can say dramatically and with lots of arm movements, "Pack your knives…and GO!" Okay, Padma, go eat some frozen Cheetos now. The judges clap and smile them out.