Top Chef
Top Chef

Episode Report Card
Keckler: A+ | 848 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Hung's 300 Years War

Colicchio -- wearing khaki shorts and the ubiquitous blue chef's coat that was clearly chosen to match his Cal Ripkinny eyes -- arrives for his Sniff 'n' Sneer and elbows his way over to Howie. Howie explains his asparagus and prosciutto phyllo "cigars" and adds that he's making mushroom tartlets. "Okay," Colicchio says, sort of put off by the fact that Howie continues working and doesn't really ever look him in the eye, "Are your tartlets made or…" "They're not made yet," Howie says, still not looking up, "But uh -- it's a pretty simple recipe, just some puff pastry and a duxelle. Colicchio moves on to Brian and asks why he chose to be team leader. Brian asks, "Is there any other decision to make? As a chef, you're a leader every single day. You get the opportunity to lead, of course you accept that opportunity." "Awesome," Colicchio says. Next, Sara tells Colicchio that she's working on her savory bread puddings, and Colicchio wants to know why she and Casey decided to pair up on a dessert. Sara says that when you're having hors d'oeuvres, you have to include something sweet. Colicchio tells them they have little over an hour left to go, "I'll see you top-side." Please tell me he did not just say that. He sort of smiles to himself as he says it, like, "They gave me that ridiculous word and they made me use it and yes, I know I sound like a total dork in shorts." Colicchio observes to us that everything is "pretty simple and safe" and goes on about how this challenge was supposed to be about "wowing people and not blowing the budget." He sees really ordinary stuff in the galley and thinks they should have all gotten together to make three really great dishes in order not to spread their budget too thin.

Brian again stresses how well they're working as a team and preps his mates saying, "All right, you're gonna wanna take Howie's as the first? Just a little bowl [he demonstrates with his hand what a little bowl is] of those. Little cigarettes to start you off on the night, all right?" Okay, first of all, they're cigars, crazy man, and second of all, am I the only one who finds it beyond hysterical that Brian seamlessly transitions from the regular, normal person talk of instructing his team, to the patter he would be giving to the sailing fashionistas? I would seriously love to see Brian on stage somewhere. Howie AGAIN is stressing how much of a team player he is in this challenge because he knows he's been tagged as, you know, not a team player. Howie goes on to us, "I mean, for whatever anybody wants to say about me and my attitude or whatever, I'm a pretty good chef. I've won a few challenges here, I'm obviously not some [and this is where the recapper needs some translation help, please?] shit-quille." Okay, so that's either taking "Shaquille" and, like, profaning him, or he Laverned it and it's "shitquille, schlemazel Hasenpfeffer Incorporated." ["My immediate guess was 'shit-heel,' but until Bravo makes like FX and clears 'shit' for air after 10 PM, we'll continue to have these problems." -- Joe R]

Top Chef

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