Top Chef

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Cold Comfort

With only half an hour on the clock, time flies and soon enough Padma and Michelle are ready for their taste sensations. Tamesha serves up a lovely duck tongue soup, which I imagine is like French kissing a duck, but with cilantro. Andrea feeds arch frenemy Michelle Bernstein some chewy buffalo meat. Alex makes ostrich that has been "barded", which I am pretty sure means he sang it some lullabies before braising. Kevin feeds the ladies his nuts and Angelo is positively tittering in the background as Padma eats it with a very straight face. Angelo's crocodile is well seasoned, but the texture is all wrong. Stephen fried up a frog leg, Kenny makes a rattlesnake cake, Kelly does up an emu egg omelet, and Amanda roasted a llama.

As guest judge, Michelle Bernstein gets to mock the losers: Stephen had insipid frog legs, Alex had dry ostrich, and Andrea's boar was a bore, also her mom is ugly, her hair is frizzy, and if she ever crosses Biscayne Blvd there's gonna be a fight. The top dishes? Kelly's emu omelet was a delight, Tamesha's duck tongue was almost perfection and Amanda's llama was well done. The winner? Kelly! She is thrilled that her very simple omelet beat out everyone, although I am sure we can all agree that if Angelo had been able to complete his Duck Nut Marshmallows they would have won. In fact, they probably would have just crowned him Top Chef right then and there.

Moving on to the Elimination Competition. Padma announces that the Cold War is alive and well in Top Chef kitchen. So they all have to make dishes that are best served cold. Stephen makes Freaky Face at the thought of making cold food, probably because his salad was so ill received last week. However, almost every single dish Stephen has made has been poorly received so I have no idea what Freaky Face is all about. Maybe he is just stretching his eyeballs. Not only does everyone have to make a cold dish, but they then have to serve that dish to the judges as well as to half their peers. Their pissed off angsty revenge-filled co-competitors will then vote on who is to be selected as the winner and loser in each group. Battle lines are drawn and everyone starts talking defensively about how everyone hates them and their mad cooking skillz. Mostly it is Kenny who is talking defensively, because that is where his real mad skillz lie.

Padma announces that the lucky, lucky chefs get to go on a cruise on the Presidential yacht around the Potomac while they plan their menus. Kenny is doing a lot of talking, so he has laid the groundwork to probably end up in the bottom three. Amanda thinks no one (but her of course) has realized the impending hurt feelings when people start publicly judging each other's food. Kevin isn't sure why Angelo is offering so many tips and pointers and suggestions to their other teammates, but Kevin is wily and wary and staying far, far away from Angelo's advice. Kevin goes to take a nap on the Presidential Bed, which is only there to serve as a reminder that Kennedy used this boat, and to complain to Kenny about Angelo's burning desire to help. How dare he, right?

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Top Chef

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