Top Chef

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Cold Comfort

Off to Whole Foods! Angelo spies some sexy sockeye salmon and just can't help himself in front of it. Sexy is not an adjective I usually use in reference to raw fish, but I also don't fondle drake testicles and think "marshmallows!" These are all clear indications that I am not Top Chef material. Then Tamesha makes a fatal error. She opts to make scallops (gasp!). Everyone runs around the store and the only interesting thing that happens is that we discover that Stephen is approximately two feet shorter than Angelo. Also, Amanda looks silly in plaid.

Back in the Hilton's kitchen, everyone starts running and explaining that their dish will be "really delicious", while everyone else's will not. Andrea pauses in the action to delve into her history with Michelle Bernstein. The two women were rising stars in the Miami culinary scene when Andrea got married and started having children. Michelle, being bitter and alone with only a cold kitchen to call home, continued to rise, while Andrea chose motherhood over the cold joys of a well-prepared mise en place. Andrea is still an excellent chef, but she has three delightful children while Michelle has a James Beard award to cuddle at night. So it is your basic Working Woman vs. Mommy Track situation. Head on over to Jezebel.com or UrbanBaby message board to continue THAT conversation cause lord knows we aren't having it here.

Kevin is making a surf n' turf and he is feeling "very confident" about it. Kenny knows that when his competitors see the dish they are going to know he is serious competition. He also knows they are going to put him in the bottom because they can't take the level of competition he brings. There is something about Kenny that makes me think that in the movie of his life he is played by Ice T. Amanda is making a chicken galantine and taking out her frustration at trying to run an entire chicken through a meat grinder by running in circles and squawking probably just in commiseration with the poor mangled bird. This does not endear her to her colleagues. Angelo runs around trying to help Tamesha and Stephen and everyone but Tamesha and Stephen is suspicious of this. Angelo reminds us that he doesn't trust everyone in the house and he is there to win, but not to play games. Except maybe with Tamesha or maybe just with the leftover salmon he has tucked in his pants. Time's up!

After a few establishing shots proving that they are still in fact in Washington D.C. , which were probably not worth the time and money it took to get the security clearances to shoot the boring B roll (ooh the Supreme Court!), the cheftestants roll into whatever grand gilded ballroom they are cooking in today. Then they prepare to be judged. Kevin, Amanda, and Ed all pretend they are very nervous to be judged by their roommates. Kevin explains that each group will choose which one dish is the best and which is the worst in each group. The best will be up for the crown, the worst will be up for elimination. Kenny, who I am starting to think is actually a paranoid schizophrenic and is about to knife somebody if the producers don't start lacing his wine with Thorazine, lays out the ground rules for the strategic backstabbing, which are extremely simple: who do you like? Vote for them to win. Who do you consider your competition? Vote for them to lose. I am so glad that Kenny is publishing his Paranoid's Guide to Surviving Top Chef. For sale soon in the Bravo store!

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Top Chef

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