Top Chef
Cooking By Numbers

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Eating On The Dole

When Colicchio asks Team Tuna if their dishes relate to each other "in any way at all," Howie tries to bullshit that Casey's doing more of an Eastern dish, Joey From New York is doing a Western dish, and his dish will end up in the middle. Colicchio puzzles over this and proclaims, "Soy sauce." Team Tuna is silent as they wonder if Colicchio's having a stroke. Howie gives him a questioning head jut. "There's soy on yours, right?" Colicchio asks Joey From New York. Yep. Joey From New York tells us, "Chef Tom looks at the soy -- right away he believes it's not going to work." See, I didn't read it that way at all. I thought Colicchio was wondering what soy sauce was doing in a supposedly Western dish. Joey From New York goes on to us, "I think Chef Tom just came over -- he likes to ruffle my feathers a little bit. He knows he can get under my skin." As much as the Sniff 'n' Sneer can be a condescending waste of time, I really don't think Colicchio is singling you out, Joey. He didn't just come over with the sole purpose of ruffling your feathers -- or any feathers -- in particular. He's there to make everyone stop what they're doing, explain what they're doing, and then leave. And then sometimes chuckle about it outside the kitchen or in the dining room with the other judges. "Everything I fucking make, he makes a fucking comment anyway," Joey bitches to his team. Hon, he makes a fucking comment about everything ANYONE fucking makes. That's the point of the show. Casey explains to us that Joey From New York was taking it all very personally. "He was sort of cussing and angry, which is a waste of time," she tells us, primly tucking hair behind her ear.

In the middle of a Food Flurry, Sara M. tells us that she's using powdered gelatin, something she's never used before. What the -- ? Seriously, after last year's Panna Puck-a, why hasn't Lee Anne stocked them up with sheet gelatin to ensure there will be no more complaints, legitimate or otherwise? Admittedly, Sara M. is having the opposite problem Marisa had. Instead of getting hard and rubbery, her stuff won't set. Because she's using pineapple. However, Sara M., not realizing this is the problem and blaming it all on the powdered gelatin, decides to ditch the panna cotta and make a semifreddo instead. Team Shrimp begins plating.

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Top Chef

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