Top Chef

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Old MacDonald
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It's the time of the season where the cheftestants realize that this is a contest, and thus various people are going to leave. And they might have kind of liked those people! And now they're gone! Standard reality show fare. Next up, someone will point out that it's a double-edged sword because they're sad when people leave, but also happy because they're that much closer to the finals. Calling it.

Oh, this is gross. Angelo has become a role model to Tamesha. Hey, remember when I said Angelo was married? I notice he isn't wearing a ring. So either he's not married or he is but doesn't wear a ring or he's divorced or something. I don't know why I thought he was married. Because he has kids? Apparently, a part of me is from the 1950s, where only married people had kids. That's true, right? No kids were born out of wedlock back then? And if they were, they were either destined to become criminals or immediately sent to orphanages (and became criminals)? That's what television and movies have taught me. You know who was an orphan? Annie. What was the deal with her real parents? Was she born out of wedlock? I feel like there is the opportunity for a retelling of the Annie myth, but darker, kind of like Wicked and the Wizard of Oz. Wait, what show am I supposed to be watching? Oh yeah. So Angelo is Tamesha's life coach all of a sudden and he clearly wants to get into her pants and their relationship dynamic makes me very uncomfortable, mostly because Angelo makes me very uncomfortable. He claims that she has "an inner passion" that she holds in, and he would love to extract it. GROSS!!!!!! He might be a performance art piece, because no one can say these things with a straight face, right? Dear Angelo: You are balding in the back and no amount of product can disguise that. Deal with it. Kelly rockets to the top of my favorites list as she points out that Angelo is trying to be Tony Robbins, but it also might be strategy on his part.

And in other couple-y news, Ed is hitting on Tiffany. She doesn't seem all that into him, though, based on her body language and how awkward their conversations are. Tiffany interviews that she likes talking to Ed because he's silly. I think he's just her temporary fake boyfriend until one of them gets eliminated, but he seems pretty into her.

The cheftestants enter the kitchen to find multiple giant bins of blue crabs, still alive. Padma welcomes them and introduces Patrick O'Connell, a DC restaurateur who specializes in seafood, I guess? He looks weird. He looks like someone famous. It'll come to me. Anyway, their challenge involves crabs. Angelo interviews that he had crabs, so it brought back bad memories. See? Performance art. If he had just cracked a smile at the end of that statement, it would have almost won me over. But I think he was totally serious.

Quickfire Challenge: Create a dish using crabs. Tim, the native Marylander, thinks he has this in the bag. They have an hour to cook. Everyone starts grabbing crabs, but I don't know if you know this -- live crabs will pinch you. And it hurts. Tim, the Maryland crab expert, just laughs at everyone for using their hands, since he knows to use tongs. Maybe he could have mentioned that to people ahead of time? Or does he think it gives him a competitive advantage?

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Top Chef

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