Top Chef
Food Of Love

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Bye Bye, Turdie
This recap is brought to you by the gracious, generous, gorgeous pinkgodzilla AND the gold car she drove in on.

Last week, Hubert Keller helped oust finger-lickin' Ken. This week, Katie Lee is still competing with Data for the title of Miss Android.

Ding-ding! The California streetcar San-Francisco-treats its way down Market. Cynthia is on the phone talking to someone about chemo treatments, which is explained when she tells us that she found out her father has cancer just as she was getting on the Top Chef plane. Cynthia said she questioned even going through with Top Chef, but her father encouraged her to leave. To leave him to die. I'm sorry, but the chance to be on a reality show would never convince me to leave a dying parent, spouse, sibling, friend, or cat. I don't care what they said to me, it just wouldn't fly and neither would I.

Andrea does rooftop yoga and says that she's going to work on her presentation skills. For Candice, being in the bottom three last week was a size 2 disappointment, because food and cooking is who she is and she wants to show people that. Tiffani bitches (surprise, surprise) that she was disappointed she didn't win last week. She really wants the cash and she will never forget that. And now? Neither will I.

This week's Quickfire challenge is all about presentation. We already know that Andrea and Candice are royally screwed, right? Elizabeth Falkner, the chef and owner of Citizen Cake, is the guest judge. In the kitchen, Tiffani smugs at Falkner. "She's famous for her avant-garde pastry designs," Katie Leebot drones. (And for the fact that her food has become overpriced, over-lauded, oversold crap.) Tiffani breathlessly tells us that she was pumped that Falkner was the judge, since she's aware of her work at CC and also because they were both featured in the same magazine article about "queer women in the kitchen." AND they both have vaginas! Imagine. Katie Leebot explains they will be judged on a dessert fruit plate: "In front of you is a bowl of fruit, a cutting board, and a plate." If they need that explained to them, none of them, I MEAN NONE OF THEM, belong on this show. This is a test of knife skills, creativity, and ingenuity. They have thirty minutes. Falkner smiles at Katie Leebot all, "Do you want to be featured in the same magazine article with me? And by 'magazine article,' I mean 'bed.'"

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Top Chef

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