Top Chef
Food Of Love

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Bye Bye, Turdie
In a quiet corner, where Lisa says she's being very secretive, Tiffani plays around with string. She appears to be dying some of it red and some of it blue. What about pink? Purple? Or rainbow? Tiffani says her intention is to make her dish interactive. Cynthia's making a chocolate bombe and some little tartlets. "Whatever I make, it's sexy -- it doesn't have to be dick, it doesn't have to be balls, it doesn't have to be intellectual, doesn't have to be all this stuff going on. It just has to taste sweet and fabulous, that's all," Cynthia tells us. Lee Anne slaps some tape on an oven and announces she has the top oven on 350° convection (an oven that uses a fan to circulate the hot air constantly and uniformly -- it's key for pastries and bread but it can take off your eyebrows if you get too close to the doors). Her masking tape says the same.

Colicchio walks in to check on them. Dave explains his "Tit for Tat" dessert. He's making roasted strawberry mini pound cakes with banana pastry cream. Stephen's got his stuff ladled into martini bowls. He's doing a celery and granny smith apple gelée (so SICK of FUCKING GELEES!), which will be topped with Champagne. Colicchio agrees that there's nothing sexier than Champagne. Candice is making "edible underwear." No, it's not that weird Fruit Roll-Up stuff you buy in a sex store, it's cake in the shape of a bra and panties that has been covered in chocolate. Colicchio wonders if she's going to be wearing the edible underwear. "I wish!" Candice laughs.

Okay, and now for the scandal that rocked the boards and still continues to inspire debate. Lee Anne discovers that her oven has been turned down to 325 degrees, which has totally thrown off her timing. So, I was under the impression that her oven had been shut completely off, but -- 25 degrees? It wouldn't take that much time to get back up to temp once the oven's already been on and heated. Lisa offers up her low oven, which is really not going to cut it. Kitchen flurry. Time's up. Lee Anne says she was two minutes from being completely done with the timer went off. Lisa tells us, "Lee Anne came over to us, she was letting us know that her things were still in the oven when time was called and she would give up a minute on the next day's cooking. No one seemed to have a problem except for Tiffani." Cut to Tiffani's raised-eyebrows, I'm-being-so-calm-and-reasonably-blasé bitchface. "I just think we all need to recognize that when that timer goes off, we're done. We walk away from everything," Tiffani opines. Tiffani -- in her butch pink bandana -- tells us, "Part of professionalism is understanding how much time you have and being able to work within that allotted time." I don't think "professionalism" quite applies when someone has messed with your oven. Back in the kitchen, Tiffani tells Lee Anne, "Okay, so we should ask the judges if we can all ask for another minute if we just need another minute." And boy, she makes a tight-lips-curled-over-teeth nasty face that I just want to punch! She also rolls her eyes as she walks away from Lee Anne. Lee Anne's had enough and says she can just throw her things -- she doesn't give a fuck. Lee Anne also walks away. "I'm just saying there are rules, Lee Anne, that's all," Tiffani goes on. No, if that's "all" you were saying, you wouldn't have rolled your eyes and been a complete hard-ass bitch about it. "I understand that, I'm not an idiot!" Lee Anne shoots back. "I know you're not an idiot, that's why I'd expect you to be done by the time the timer goes off," Tiffani continues calmly. Just trying to get the last word in, aren't you? Lee Anne packs up her stuff. Tiffani watches narrowly. The chefs leave.

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