Top Chef
Freezer Burn

Episode Report Card
Keckler: D+ | Grade It Now!

Howie walks forward to meet the first challenge. Padma pulls out a small glass prep bowl and tells him to identify the ingredient by tasting it. I can't believe he's not blindfolded. Even without tasting it, I can see it's tomato paste. THROUGH MY TELEVISION! Howie nails it, Padma dings the bell for his right answer, and we both go to the back of the line. How freakin' easy was that? Meanwhile, in a real spelling bee, the bell only dings when you get the answer wrong. Being from India, you'd think Padma would know that. Rocco puts a plate in front of Joey and tells him to identify it by sight. It appears to be a suspicious-looking sausage. Or a horse's willy. Joey tells us, "You just get up to that table and you got Padma looking at you looking all sexy today and then you got this asshole right next to her and your mind just goes blank." Heh. Joey thinks the suspicious-looking sausage is lotus root, but it's yuca. Sara M. sips something liquidly and beige and says, "Peanut butter. No! Sesame! Tahini!" Unfortunately, they have to take her first answer, and Padma tells her she's out. If she's out, why did Padma ring the bell? I think she's high again. The Brians get quail eggs, Sara N. doesn't get raspberry vinegar, and Dale incorrectly identifies taro root as water chestnuts. Like Bravo even knows what taro root is.

CJ steps up, tastes something green and says, "What is pepper cress?" Hee. He's wrong, it's daikon radish sprouts. Casey steps up and tastes something black and pasty. She makes faces, gags, spits out the taste, before finally drama-queening, "My Gohduh. What is fish paste?" When CJ said it it was cute, when Casey says it, it's just to copy CJ. However, Casey gets it right and goes back to the end of the line, coughing and gagging excessively. Finally, we're down to four cheftestants: Hung, Howie, Casey, and The Brians (playing as one). With the Cello of Hung's Fried Ego strumming, Padma pulls out a bowl of something for Hung to taste. Hung glances carelessly down, pinches up the ingredient, and says, "I know this too -- anise seed." He looks up at the judges challengingly because he didn't have to taste it. "You don't want to taste it?" Padma asks. Hung throws a bit in his mouth and chews with a bland look. Yep, he was so wrong. "Celery seed!" he announces but it's too late. His ego wrote a check his tongue couldn't cash. CJ tells us that everyone was sort of cheering when Hung got it wrong, "He came off as such a douche." Casey is given bow-tie pasta, which is so easy you'd think they'd require "farfalle" at the very least. Howie sneers to us that some people had easier things than others, "Bow-tie pasta? Not to take anything away from Casey, but that's not a difficult thing to identify." And tomato paste is, Professor McSweatsalot? Howie, Casey, and the Brians go through another round and then Howie gets out when he identifies hearts of palm as bamboo shoots. Finally, the Brians get out on Japanese eggplant when they identify it as heirloom tomato. Casey walks up -- why does she have to look so smug so much of the time? -- for her final test and gets roasted red bell pepper correct. She wins Immunity. Casey tells us, "It is great to have Immunity, I'm in a great mood." Funny, that's not what you said last time you had Immunity. In fact, I think you got all Snivellus Snape the last time you had Immunity. Snot and tears all over. Messy. Gross.

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Top Chef




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