Top Chef
Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner?

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Snake Eyes

Last week, the pushcart wars sent Lisa home, but Colicchio promised to eat at her house the next time he's in L.A. Waiting to hear about that dinner any time now, chief.

Beautiful shot of Ocean Beach at low tide. In the Baker Street house, Lee Anne asks Andrea how she felt about Miguel "throwing her under the bus." Constipated, is my guess. Andrea shrugs it off because she understands that Miguel's whole existence is staked on this competition. In an interview, Andrea thinks Miguel will be the next to go because "he hasn't shown grace" and he's been over-competitive. Huh. Except for when Miguel "threw Andrea under the bus," I don't get the same ultra-competitive vibe that radiates from Tiffani and Stephen like stink on public-park dog poo. Miguel quietly loads the house dishwasher and tells us that everyone is saying he stabbed Andrea in the back in the last challenge. He doesn't think he did that; he just feels he can't rely on anyone in that game. Then why did he rely on Andrea's cooking and ideas to turn their street food into one of the worst the judges ate, which put him in a vulnerable position in the first place? Dave goes into the kitchen, and swears when he sees white suds oozing from the dishwasher. Upon Dave opening the door, we can see that the dishwasher is full of soapsuds, and someone says that Miguel put Palmolive in the dishwasher. Miguel, having figured out what's going on, bitches, "Great, everyone else saw the mess I made and no one offered to help clean, so I guess I'll just do it, then." Dude, suck it up. When I made the same tragic mistake in college, I didn't expect any of my roommates (except the one who told me to go ahead and use dish soap in the dishwasher) to help me mop up the massive drifts of suds that bubbled all over that nasty cracked linoleum. I must say, the floor was never cleaner.

Quickfire Challenge. The cheftestants arrive to see Ted Allen of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy waiting for them. "The theme for this challenge is 'pressure,'" the Katie Leebot tells them. Dave laughs, "Hasn't that been the common theme?" Well, we know your common theme has been "The Tracks of My Tears." Their Quickfire challenge is to pull from a tableful of priced ingredients and create an appetizer whose cost does not exceed three dollars. However, the Top Chef's kitchen pantry items are free of charge. They have twenty minutes. The chefs pull, plan, and weigh furiously. "I wasn't really stressing it, you kind of need to maintain your composure. Everyone else was kind of scurrying around, kind of going crazy," Stephen tells us. FISH HOOK! Lee Anne tells us that there's no way she could tell us what the mood of the kitchen was because she was too busy working. Someone turned Miguel's burner off. "That was nice," he says. Tiffani tells us, "I really love being under the gun like that -- that's when I excel." She's working on three different preparations of oysters. I really wish these chefs would stop with the Trios of X dishes. It's getting tiresome and boring. Whenever I go into a restaurant now and see a trio of something on the menu, I have this visceral reaction to steer way clear of it.

Time is expiring. Andrea tells us she's making something light and refreshing, a veggie slaw. BORING! Harold is making bacon-wrapped trevisano (red radicchio) with Gorgonzola. Oh hell yeah! As we all know, bacon-wrapped anything is killer, but add Gorgonzola to that and I'm just... melting! Fuck, I'm hungry again. Stephen is doing something idiotically tiny with what looks like peanuts but is actually clam meats and sea beans. Shows what I know. Stephen is very, very, very impressed with himself: "I ended up doing a very, very, very cool dish -- it's just everything that I'm all about with flavors, textures, innovative technique." Miguel does something with asparagus, pears, and cheese. Time's up.

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