Top Chef

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | 1 USERS: A-
This Land is My Land

More cheftestants! Kelly is from Vail, and she owns a restaurant with her husband. She was named one of the top young female chefs in the country. Could there be more qualifiers to that award? I was named one of the top female recappers for TWoP that has been writing for the site for a decade and is named Kim. The competition was fierce!

Lynne is one of the older contestants, and she works as an instructor at the CIA. She recognizes that she doesn't have a flashy personal style but she claims that her food is good. She is the definition of middle-aged white lady. She speaks in a monotone. Her hair is dishwater blond. I hope her food is more interesting than her appearance.

Straight (no pun intended) from boring Lynne, we go to flashy Arnold of Nashville. He liked to dance in his kitchen. I think they cast him just so they could use his dancing audition footage. He also got a wardrobe stylist and a facial before coming on. I think Arnold enjoys the company of men. I'm just guessing.

Kevin of New Jersey works at a restaurant called Rat's. I'm sure there's a colorful story behind the name, but I don't know that the name inspires much confidence in the food. "Where did you guys eat last night?" "Rat's." "No, not what did you eat, where?" "Rat's." "No, not what was the kitchen crawling with, where did you eat." "Who's on first?" Anyway, Kevin already knows Kenny, but we don't know how. Because we don't know where Kenny is from.

Jacqueline is a caterer from Brooklyn who kind of looks like Meryl Streep. She wants to prove that a self-taught chef can compete with anyone.

Timothy is a hometown boy, from DC, and he's got the dead wife angle working for him. Look, at this stage in the show, anything that makes someone stand out is fine by me, because there's no way I am going to remember these people otherwise. So Tim is Dead Wife Guy until he does something interesting in a challenge that will make me remember him.

So Tim starts talking to this guy Angelo. The first thing you need to know about Angelo is that he's wearing white pants. So he's the kind of guy who would wear white pants. And he's not from Europe. So there's that. And in their conversation, Angelo keeps bringing up famous chefs he's met and worked with and places he's been (Monte Carlo), obviously expecting that Tim hasn't been any of those places (because Tim's black? I'm just saying). And Tim is like, "Yeah, met him, been there." Tim's totally harshing Angelo's buzz, and Angelo is coming off like a dick. Even more so than I originally thought when I saw the white pants. Angelo also tells us that he ran a Chinese restaurant that was the first to earn a Michelin star. In 2005. So what's he done in the last five years? That seems weird. Is he all talk? We'll find out when he starts cooking. I know most chefs have a healthy ego, but something about this guy bugs me. He looks like a weasel. Tim feels the same way as me, so now Tim is Awesome Dead Wife Guy.

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Top Chef




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