Top Chef

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | 1 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
This Land is My Land

Kenny is the first to finish and it looks like some of the others don't even have two done when he finishes. Angelo finishes next. Then John, Tim, and Kevin. Kelly finishes but Tom tells her that she left too much peel on the potatoes. DENIED! I wish that had happened to Michelin Star Angelo. Tiffany and two people named Tamesha and Alex finish up (who?) and there are four spots left. In quick succession, we see Tracey, Lynne, and one of the boring white guys (Ed?) go through so now there is only one spot left. Will Kelly clean up her produce in time? The suspense is killing me! Nope. Andrea finishes first.

Round Two with the onions. No one is crying, as far as I can tell. Maybe the onions aren't fresh. Since they're just getting thrown out (presumably), they could use old produce. They all start chopping, especially Angelo who has vowed not to let Kenny win another round. Not that it matters -- there's no prize for coming in first in any of these rounds. And yet, Kenny does finish first. Yay! I hate Angelo and I love seeing his look of disappointment. The best part is that Kevin and Tiffany both finish before he does. And suddenly his pants are blue. Wait, he did have white pants on before, right? I'm so confused. Alex, Lynne, Tim, and Tamesha take the last four spots.

Let's meet Andrea! She was pissed because she's won cooking awards but she couldn't dice an onion. Anyway, the third round (breaking down four chickens) begins. Kenny the Animal finishes when it looks like his closest competitor is only half done. That guy is amazing. Too bad this isn't Fastest Chef, or he would totally win. Stupid Angelo finishes next, then Tim. One spot left! And it's Kevin. So it's an all-male final round.

The final four move to a new table. Angelo wonders if Kenny's speed will translate to good food, and Kenny says that he's there to win it all. And one of them will get, don't forget, $20K. They have to make a dish with chicken, onion, potato, and whatever's in the pantry. Kenny explains that he wants to represent speed, efficiency, and poise, and he wants everyone to see that he's a powerful male. Oh, Kenny. I was loving you. Now I have to downgrade you to like. Because why do you need to be powerful, and what does it have to do with your manhood? This isn't MMA. (Kenny would totally win if it were -- he's a big dude). Angelo says that he feels focused and "like a ninja." I wish a ninja would appear and cut off his hands with a sword or something. Everyone's running and stirring and straining and plating and time is up.

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Top Chef

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