Top Chef
Into The Fire

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Keckler: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Food, Fire, and Frog Legs

Oh, and here we have the sexpot chef. Supposedly. Sam hulks into his room, wearing sunglasses (inside), a back tee-shirt with Gothic lettering and cross, tattoos up and down his arm, and pointy Star Trek sideburns and notes, "I think I was supposed to be in the girls' room, but they screwed me." Because, you know, he LIKES girls and he would LIKE to sleep in their room. So he can have SEX with them and smell their PANTIES. Talking around his crumb catcher, Sam tells us that he was one of the youngest executive chefs in New York, he's now an executive consulting chef, and he's here to take his food "to the next level." I am already sick of that phrase and even sicker because Sam said it. He's so self-consciously the Ladies' Man, something Harold never was. He also reminds me of Rocco and that's another detraction.

More cheftestants file into the loft. Marcel watches Ted Ilan unpack and asks if he wants to see his knives. Without waiting for an answer, Marcel shows Ted Ilan his knives. Ted Ilan is unimpressed and tells us, "The first person I meet is this guy, Marcel, who wants to show me his knives. I want to smack him." Love him. Back in the room, Ted Ilan observes, "Next we'll be showing each other our cocks." Hey, dude, leave the recapping to me. Frank, thirty-nine and an executive chef at Heat Supper Club in San Diego, arrives and announces to Ted Ilan and Marcel, "Welcome to cell-block H!" Seriously. Them digs are ugly. Ted Ilan points at the kitchen counter in their bunk-bed room and asks, "You bought earplugs?" "Those are for you, not for me," Frank tells him. Aw, that's so thoughtful! Seriously, can someone explain to me the whole kitchen-slash-bedroom thing going on here?

Over in the girls' area, Marisa (executive pastry chef of Ame in San Francisco) announces that she brought swimsuits, goggles, bustiers, and whatever else they might need. "I came prepared!" she adds. Unless she's doing a Marie Antoinette water ballet, I'm not entirely sure what she's prepared for. In her application tape, Marisa -- long, black hair cascading over her shoulders -- asks-and-answers, "Do I use my sexuality to my advantage? Damn right. I use everything to my advantage that I can use to my advantage." The application tape shows us Marisa jiggling her jeans-clad ass at the camera. And she always seemed so normal when she bought cheese from us. Back at the loft, Betty turns to another blond and says, "This is going to be quite an adventure." "It really is," says the other blond, who is Suyai (pronounced: "Soo-jye") from New York. Well, she's from England first, but she lives in New York now. Her bio tells us that she was educated at the Natural Gourmet Cooking School in New York, which is a vegan and health-conscious cooking school. She's the new Andrea. Suyai tells us, "I've been bulimic for many years, so I got into food as a way to heal my eating disorder." Isn't that sort of like an alcoholic becoming a bartender?

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Top Chef

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