Stefan gives John shit for being old, as usual, and John tells everyone about how he's an expert at roller rinks and he built the first roller rink and he invented roller skates and also rinks. And roller derby. John then interviews that Brooke reminds him of his daughter (HOW OLD IS JOHN SERIOUSLY) and then he tells a sob story about how his wife took his daughter away when she was a year and a half and apparently he hasn't seen her since or something? Look, it's pretty rare that a court would give full custody to one parent unless the other parent (John) was a total fuckup. But of course, it's not John's fault! He was trying to start his culinary career! As well as becoming an expert in everything in the world! Anyway, he's pretty sad now that he apparently hasn't been able to pick up a phone or join Facebook or whatever and get in touch. I'm crying no tears for this dude.

Sheldon and Josh are doing a tempura dessert with different flavored dipping sauces. Josh has seriously never heard of tempura, I guess? He's shocked that it's like pancake batter. Stefan interviews that he can't believe Micah is making a jalapeno popper, basically, and explains that since their skater is Eddie Shredder, they are making a chicken that got shredded and turned inside out, with corn, eggs, chicken liver, and some other bullshit. But I don't think there's any actual chicken. Stefan and Kristen flirt over how old he is. Turns out he's the same age as me. Wow.

As time runs down, Bart gives Josie a taste of his rice and asks if it needs more seasoning. She nods and then says it needs a lot more, but she's busy chopping something so she leaves it up to him. Everyone makes their final preparations and plates their food as time runs out.

The rink fills up with people on roller skates, and it really makes me want to strap on my skates and skate around in my friend's basement. We used to belt out, "Don't Cry Out Loud" by Melissa Manchester. Baby cried the day the circus came to town, y'all. Anyway, the judges walk in (not on skates BOO) and it's Emeril, Padma, Hugh, and Tom. I'm always disappointed when Gail's not there. Emeril talks about how he used to go the roller derby growing up, and Padma says she used to frequent the roller rink. Hugh busts out a line he's clearly been planning for a while: her derby name would be Padma Smacks Me. Anyway, it's time to eat.