Top Chef
Less Is More

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Cheaters Seem to Prosper

Josie tells us, "You know, it's like GREAT! That's the way to impress Suzanne Goin! Gimme a frickin' vending machine!" I swear the way Josie talks at times makes me afraid she's going to give herself a hernia. Michael is captioned as saying he wants a frozen burrito and a pastrami sandwich, dude. Cliff tells us they all think Michael is going to champ out in this challenge because of the amount of junk food he dumps into his body. (See? The next Miguel!) Marcel doesn't know what to do and grins, "No oysters in the vending machine." No oysters I want to eat, anyway. Michael -- who really needs to button his shirt and stop displaying so much of his downy chest -- stones out that it all sucked because, like, people, like totally took the stuff he wanted, dude, and he had to go, like, all last and shit. He tells us, "So, I like walk up to the machine, and I make a decision like, 'Screw this, screw the Quickfire today.'" He is such a genius because that is EXACTLY the attitude he should have after last week! He is so going to be the next Top Chef. Michael shows Sam his Snickers, Corn Nuts, and Cheetos. Padmadala sends them all back into the kitchen. Some of them walk quickly, but of course, drama queen Betty makes a big show of running full-tilt into the room while wind-milling her arms over her head. Kick it DOWN a notch there, Betty Legasse.

Food flurry. Marisa works with a chicken Caesar salad, potato chips, an apple, and trail mix. More food flurry. Marcel tells the camera, "I think an amuse bouche should be something tasty, something interesting, and I kinda like to stay on the sweeter side over the savory for the amusé." Not sure why he decided to accent that second "amuse," but I can't remember enough college French to muster up a care. Michael scoops a mass of something out of a Cuisinart and stones that he's just really pissed about the "Crackerjack challenge." Carlos tells us, "Mike's Cheetos vending machine dish was the most phallic thing I've ever seen in my life." Considering the source, I seriously doubt that. Marcel makes Swedish Chef borking noises as he pours Squirt into those double-shot glasses that got used almost as much as the Chinese soupspoons last season. Time ticks down. Ted Ilan tells us that he thought everyone else's portions were too big to fit the amusé bouche bill. He's not wrong, they are basically supposed to be one-bite sensations.

Frank presents his Ham and Swiss Cheese Quiche with a Pesto Dressing and a double shot glass of Mint-Infused Tea. Chef Goin nods in appreciation, "I feel like I'm on the porch." Frank thanks her. I always want to know how they make these things -- like did Frank disembowel a Hot Pocket for the ham and cheese part? And how did he make the quiche crust? The tea definitely could have come from the vending machine, and maybe he took a tart shell from a mini pie and scooped out the sweet filling before filling it with his stuff. But what would have been the fourth thing?

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Top Chef

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