Top Chef
Less Is More

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Cheaters Seem to Prosper

Colicchio arrives for his Sniff 'n' Sneer. Looking at Team Red's menu of BBQ Chicken Skewers, Coleslaw, Grilled Vegetables, and Old-Fashioned Fudge Cake with Fresh Strawberries, Colicchio asks about the fudge cake. Marisa proudly tells him she made it with beets to give it moisture and intensify the chocolate. Interesting concept. Their caloric count is topping out at four-hundred-eighty. Colicchio grins at Team Black that kids love pizza. They all agree, and we see their menu of Sausage and Cheese Pizza, Melon and Berry Skewers, Crispy Cookie, and Mixed Berry Lemonade. Team Black's nutritionist says their calorie count is at four-hundred-forty calories, which makes Betty scream. Again. I fucking hope she loses her voice for the next four episodes.

Josie explains that Team White is making Chicken Parmesan coated with oat bran instead of breadcrumbs. They're also making a Berry Cheesecake Pie, using yogurt, cream cheese, and granola. Finally, they have a side dish of Vegetable Lasagna. Who might even be sitting next to them on the plane. Team White's calorie count is three-hundred-ninety-eight. Way too low to be a good thing. Finally, Carlos of Team Orange tells Colicchio about their Spiced Turkey Meatballs, Roasted Corn on the Cob (which in an UNBELIEVABLE show of ignorance is spelled "Cobb," as in "Ty" or "Salad." Like, seriously, Bravo? Are you really that fucking stupid?), and Summer Fruit Smoothie. Colicchio wonders how Team Orange thinks their smoothie is going to stack up against the chocolate cake, cheesecake, and cookies. Cliff, his arms crossed and a very forbidding look on his face, says, "We went the healthy route." Colicchio tries again, "I guess what I'm getting at is a bunch of kids in a fitness camp haven't seen chocolate cake in awhile." "Well, it's about learning a lifestyle. They're in a fitness camp and they have to learn how to eat smoothies and stay away from the chocolate cake," Carlos says in what has to be the most ridiculous argument I've ever heard. Do you really think that when presented with a fruit smoothie next to a chocolate cake and being told, "Choose one," the kids are going to go, "Well, you know, I really have to learn to drink smoothies instead of eating cake, so even though this chocolate cake is healthy and has the right number of calories, I'm going to go with the smoothie"? No. Really no, Carlos. Hell, I'm not even a kid and I still wouldn't go the smoothie route over chocolate cake. When Colicchio asks about their calorie count, Carlos puts in a guess of four-hundred-fifty. "You're going to guess four-fifty?" Colicchio sneers and turns to the nutritionist, who says, "I have four-fifty-four." HA!

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Top Chef

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