Top Chef
Top Chef

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Keckler: B | 521 USERS: C+
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Gone Fishhookin'

Chef Laurent address the cheftestants and, acknowledging that octopus is a difficult ingredient, he tells him he was very impressed by their dishes overall. He didn't really like Cynthia's or Dave's, though. He said Dave was missing basic salt and pepper. In the conchefional, Dave bleats, "It's Cooking 101 -- season everything, and I didn't because I was flustered and I keep slipping on basic fundamentals." Don't cry. Chef Laurent continues that he was very impressed by four of them: Tiffani, Lee Anne, Stephen, and Miguel. Tiffani is the winner, and she is just so obnoxious about it in the conchefional: "I feel like my food has been good all the way across the board, and I don't feel like that's being recognized by the other contestants." First of all, who gives a fuck whether or not the other contestants recognize your talent? They aren't the ones deciding the outcome of the competition. Second of all, maybe it's because they hate you.

The Katie Leebot announces the new Elimination Challenge. They will divide into two teams and work with "another delicious but not so visually appealing seafood: the monkfish." Yeah, that is one ugly mo-fi (monkerfisher, it's a technical term). Luckily, you only eat the tail, or gigot, of the monster. I know they are bottom-feeders but I would not want to encounter one of those when on a random swim in very cold water. Here's a neat fact: "Monkfish are sometimes known as 'allmouth' since the fish is mostly head and the head is mostly mouth." I think Tiffani is a monkfish. The cheftestants have to design an entire meal around the fish, and the next day they will be serving the meal to forty "very demanding, fussy eaters: they're all between the ages of eight and twelve." Whatever, just make fish sticks and be done with it. That was practically the only food my little sister would eat. She used to dip them in honey, which grosses me out to this day. Tiffani shrugs to us, "I didn't really want to put myself in a position to be judged by ten-year-olds because I know what they're looking for and that's not my food." Doesn't matter; for the next twenty-four hours, those ten-year-old are your guests, your public, so stop whining that it's not your food and get with the program. Bitching about your standards isn't going to get you anywhere with Colicchio and Simmons.

Top Chef

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