The shoppers speed through Berkeley Bowl. Man, I love that place. They have about fifteen varieties of everything. I didn't think there were limes other than Persian (regular), Key, and Palestinian. But I was so wrong. Stephen and Miguel call Candice and Lisa to bug them for not calling them. "We have, like, literally no time right now -- have you thought of anything else that you needed?" Candice asks. "Vino! Vino!" Stephen bounces. The hell? Candice tells him kids don't drink wine. "Put them to bed!" Miguel says. "Noooooowuh!" Candice shrieks, scandalized. She leans over to Lisa and says, "They want it for themselves. To drink." Lisa tells her they don't have time for this and orders her to get off the phone. Candice tells us, "Stephen doesn't give an F about anyone other than himself." "An F"? Really, Candice? Back in the kitchen, Miguel snarks, "They were thinking popsicle sticks and you said wine and they were all --" Miguel mimes confusion. "Yeah, they can't do two things at once," Stephen laughs. Well, we know you're different, Stephen, because you can be an asshole, a prick, and a smearing, smug sommelier all while looking like a freaking pharmacist in your chef's coat. You're talented. Stephen tells us that he doesn't really know why they were taking so long to do the shopping. Maybe because they had to drive all the way to the East Bay? Lee Anne tells us they found everything they needed, along with a few additional items they think the kids will enjoy.
The shoppers return. Candice tells Miguel and Stephen that she and Lisa thought they could be a little more creative and cut shapes. Stephen explains to us that Candice brought back "these molds in the shapes of, like, feet." Stephen says he was baffled. "This is childish," he tells Candice and Lisa. Um, duh? "Yeah, what are we doing? We're cooking for children," Candice reminds him. And here we go! "I have standards, unlike you do," Stephen tells Candice. "Oh, really?" Candice shoots back. "Yes," Stephen confirms, "obviously." Stephen tells us that he's less than a year older than Candice but he has a "really good jumpstart" on her. He doesn't think she gets it and therefore doesn't belong here. While Stephen is sharing this bit of asshattery with us, we are watching the scene unfold in the kitchen without hearing what they're saying. Lisa and Miguel watch. Miguel looks enthralled, Lisa bored. There's arm-waving and yelling. "Obviously, you're a tool and a douchebag!" Candice informs Stephen. YES! I love that line! "Can you think of anything smarter?" Stephen asks her. "Please, humor me." I don't know what they're talking about now, but Candice refuses to humor him and just repeats that he is a tool. "You will not succeed and you will fail. Horribly." Candice just stares at him, rather gobsmacked. Harold tells us that as a chef and a leader, it's very important to be a teacher. "Stephen's picking on Candice just based on inexperience, and I have a little bit of a problem with that," Harold adds. "The competition is called 'Top Chef,'" Stephen says, drawing his finger across the left side of his chef coat. "Do you know how to read? Do you understand what this competition is --" "No, I'm stupid," Candice snaps, "I'm a child!" "I don't accept mediocrity, that's it," Stephen announces. "Fine! Then go and call me mediocrity or whatever. Use your fancy, stupid, fucking words!" Not "fancy, stupid, effing words"? Candice yells at Stephen to get over himself. Stephen conchefionals that Candice's skills and presentation are "lacking" and that she doesn't understand what the competition is all about. Miguel finally tries to break them up: "We're down a person, guys, there's four of us, and by youse twos arguing tomorrow, we're going to kill ourselves." "Brother, it's going to be a piece of cake, don't worry," Stephen assures him. Lisa asks if they can't just agree to do the project. Candice stalks off somewhere. The other team watches in awe. Brian looks like he's laughing, which is rather dickish of him. "No one has ever spoken like that to me in my life -- how dare Stephen try to downsize me," Candice tells us tearfully.