Top Chef
Nasty Delights

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Gone Fishhookin'
Last week, Stephen was pretentious and Miguel grossed me out.

Brian is happy he was one of the top three in the last Elimination Challenge, but he's sorry that Andrea left. "Andrea really... " Brian says to Dave, "her body is so hot." Cut to Andrea doing roof yoga. "But her display of food was so wack." Aside from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air reruns, who says "wack" any more? Brian continues to a not-really-listening Dave (who, I should add, has a sleep mask pushed up on his forehead -- the better to absorb all those tears), "Her ass was bananas." I don't know what the hell that means. And I'm not even drunk yet. I'm starting to wish I were. Dave tells us that people are starting to show their true colors. I really don't think he means that in a complimentary Cyndi Lauper kind of way. Dave tells us that Brian is not on his A-list. "There's more ass left, though," Brian continues. I think it's hysterical that Top Chef so wanted to make sure we understood how lecherous Brian is that they captioned that line for us.

Candice rambles for us that knows she is the youngest one in the house but she wants to know that she can handle whatever anyone tells her and learn to be an adult and grow into the adult world. Slow down, you crazy child, you're so ambitious for a juvenile! From the youngest chef-testant, we go to the oldest. Poor Cynthia reminds us that her father is dying and she's having a hard time concentrating on the competition. Seriously, Cynthia, it's not worth it; go home. Be with your family.

Quickfire Challenge. Lisa says they walked into the kitchen for the next Quickfire kitchen, "and as soon as we opened the door you could smell this fawwwwl odor." The Katie Leebot introduces Laurent Manrique, who is responsible for a handful of fish-filled Bay Area restaurants, but most notably Aqua. Tiffani makes sure to inform us that she knows all about Laurent Manrique and Aqua. Give the girl a star for reading Gourmet. Katie Leebot informs them that their Quickfire is "Nasty Delights" (that should have been last week's Elimination Challenge title), and tells them to remove the silver lids in front of them. They all lift and expose a platter of octopus. Candice tell us, "I'd never honestly cooked octopus before. It was just ugly and it stunk and everybody was grossed out by it." I fucking LOVE octopus. Especially when it's char-grilled by Chef Michael Stebner at Region in San Diego. So, we were first told that this Quickfire was called "Nasty Delights," which is also the name of the episode, but now the chyron says "Take Disgusting to Delicious." Make up your damn minds, Bravo! Katie Leebot informs them that one of a chef's biggest challenge is to take something that is "so visually disgusting" and make it taste so good that you forget how it looks. Is octopus really that visually disgusting? I'd have thought that intestines, brains, sweetbreads, or even escargot would have been more of a challenge. But maybe that's just my own food issues talking. Except for the snails, which I gobble up at every butter-drenched opportunity. They have sixty minutes and the entire contents of the Top Chef pantry at their disposal.

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