Top Chef
Nasty Delights

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Gone Fishhookin'

The teams have thirty minutes to decide what to make, and then two team members will go shopping. Lisa tells her Red Team, "It has to be fun, it has to be finger food, and it has to have a dipping sauce." I totally agree. I also think it has to be fried. "I would have preferred some other challenge, I think the level of skill required for cooking for children isn't that high," Stephen tells us. Well, as we'll soon learn, it's a skill that almost none of these high-level chefs have mastered, so go stuff your garlic bulb of a head up a chicken's ass. On the Blue Team, Brian quietly suggests mashed yams as a side dish, but his team doesn't go for it because they already have "the tots." As in tater? Ooh, I have a bag of those -- snack time! Dave tells us that Brian doesn't understand what kids eat. Brian asks his team, "What if I put baked macaroni and cheese in an actual potato?" Sounds like kids would eat that. ["I would eat that right now, that sounds awesome." -- Sars] Dave shoots him down again. Brian's annoyed.

Back on the Red Team, Lisa suggests something that is "really, really lame, stupid, stupid easy called 'Ants on a Stick.'" My mom always called it "Ants on a Log," and sometimes she made it with cream cheese and other times with peanut butter. "How is that going to work with monkfish?" Stephen wonders. Frustrated Lisa tells us, "You don't get complicated and sophisticated when you're cooking food for kids." "We should just do monkfish stuff, nothing on the side," Stephen announces. Is he insane? Most of the things kids love are "on the side"! Stephen thinks they should make a cantaloupe soup with honeydew. Okay, no, because to kids? Melon is not a soup, it's a fruit and it doesn't belong in soup. Unless it's ice cream soup. God, he's such an idiot. Candice laughs to us, "Kids don't even know what a purée is!" Oh, don't worry, Candice, Stephen will educate them. Miguel has an idea to make corndogs with the monkfish and call them "Monkey Dogs." Inspired. Fried, cute name, and on a stick -- kids will love it. As long as they have a dipping sauce.

Blue Team. Harold wonders if there are any vegetables that kids like. Lee Anne thinks they can do carrots, so Brian suggests "candy carrots." The team agrees. Dave explains to us that they are going to do cereal-coated monkfish nuggets.

On the Red Team, they are deciding on ranch dressing and ketchup dipping sauces when Cynthia gets a call and has to go outside. Cynthia's cousin, who talks to her in such a cold and clinical way, tells Cynthia that her father is in a great deal of pain. The cousin is "concerned about setting up directives" and asks if Cynthia is able to come back. Cynthia tells us that her head hasn't been in the competition and it's probably the first time in her life that she's wanted nothing to do with food. Her father needs her.

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Top Chef

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