Top Chef

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What Just Happened?
doing while these two serve food? Standing around? Playing with the kids? No, they're going to help out! Tiffani and Spike do a schoolyard pick to determine the teams. Jamie immediately interviews that she's not really interested in helping someone else win the Quickfire. I get her point, but suck it up. You signed up to do the show, and you've been on it before, so you know that you may have to do some things that you consider bullshit. Do it, and lose the 'tude. And I hate when people use the word 'tude, so you know I mean it.

Okay, so the picking begins. Spike starts out by choosing Blais, and Tiffany picks Jen. Long story short, the teams end up like this: Spike has Blais, Dale T., Marcel, Stephen (?), Angelo, Mike, and Carla. Tiffani has Jen, Antonia, Dale L., Casey, Jamie, Tiffany, and Tre. Fabio is the odd man out, and he gets to choose which team to join. He knows that Spike doesn't like him, so he joins Spike's team as kind of an eff you. I am a little puzzled by some of the order there (and I listed them in the order they were chosen). Is Spike totally sexist? He picked Stephen ahead of Casey, Jamie, Tiffany, or Carla? What does he know that we don't know?

The teams have two hours to cook, so the leaders start spitting out instructions. Dale L. tells us that their team is "the Spice Girls and their bodyguard" (I'm assuming he's a Spice Girl and Tre is the bodyguard) versus "the cool guys and their babysitter Carla." Carla would be the best babysitter. She would be goofy and fun, and she would make an awesome bedtime snack. Spike tells us that Tiffani is kind of a drill sergeant, and he has a lot more fun in the kitchen than she does. Check out how fun Spike is: he calls Fabio "Fabian." Right to his face! No one laughs, because it's not funny, so Spike repeats it and chuckles to himself. Dork.

Casey works on crunching up (the technical term) the Ritz crackers for Tiffani's dish, and she jokes with Dale that she's "a virgin at the Ritz Cracker hand job." Dirty! Tiffani and Tre are working on the liquid nitrogen to freeze the marshmallows. Blais notices and says that it's "like a Liquid Nitrogen 101 class, which I actually do conduct." He wishes he could show them how it's done. Nerd.

Tiffani's team starts bagging the food, and Jen is in charge of that action. She's yelling loudly and telling people what to do, which isn't out of character for her, but it does seem a bit over the top. I started to like Jen when, during her season, she told people to cut the chit-chat and get to work, but this seems different somehow. Dale T. notices Jen ordering people around and says that he likes when she gets all bossy. He interviews that it's frustrating to work on Spike's dish, because he didn't come up with it, and it's not his food. Fabio is busy bagging for Spike, and he interviews that he thinks Tiffani doesn't respect his cooking skills, and he likes to fly under the radar and then crush the opposition. The element of surprise, if you will. Anyway, all the snacks get bagged, and they head to the museum.

At the museum, they set up their stations right underneath the dinosaur skeletons. Stephen explains that it's anyone's game, and it really just depends on if the kids want salty (Spike's dish) or sweet (Tiffany's dish). The cheftestants mill around nervously until the kids finally show up. It's a madhouse as they pass out the snacks to the kids. Fabio compares them to both cows and Tasmanian devils. Casey worries a little bit about giving sugar to kids that are already fired up, but then she shrugs, "They're not my kids!" Exactly.

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Top Chef

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