Top Chef
Season 1 Restaurant Wars

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I'm Not Your Bitch, Bitch

Colicchio arrives for his usual Sniff 'n' Sneer. He asks Lee Anne and Stephen who came up with the idea of a Spanish restaurant, if they have ever prepared Spanish food, and if they've ever been to Spain. Stephen and Lee Anne both say they've cooked it, but only Lee Anne has been to Spain. Can you tell who's going to lose? Meanwhile, American Workshop has explained that they want to do what amounts to comfort foods -- a really good roast chicken with a really good jus and the like. Should someone tell them that Zuni Café's famous roast chicken with really good jus is a block away?

Stephen goes to Economy Restaurant Fixtures store in SOMA, and wow. I don't have the energy for this tonight. I have to sleep and store up to deal with Stephen's escapades tomorrow. Okay, I'm refreshed. So, Stephen's there and he's babbling on about his aegis for Sabor. On the opposite end, Dave is being really basic. While Stephen fingers every individual Champagne flute (dude, it's a restaurant supply store, they aren't going to have Spiegelau!), Dave just tells a guy what he needs in bulk. Stephen meanders around with an Economy lackey, saying, "Yeah, I need to save as much as possible, maintaining a level of quality of course." Lee Anne notes to us, "Stephen's got Champagne tastes on a beer budget." Dave takes pains to send cell phone pictures to Harold and Tiffani of what he wants to buy. Harold praises Dave for what he's doing and admits he'd be a "bumbling idiot" in his place because he's just good at "making food look pretty." "I wanted to help decorate the room, it's something I enjoy doing, and it feeds who I am, but I was happy to sort of have Dave out of the kitchen," Tiffani tells us. She's such a bitch, man. Dave checks out of Economy with a total of slightly less than five hundred dollars.

Still perusing Economy, Stephen tells his bag boy that he wants to keep the total around four hundred. "Okay, we're above that," Bag Boy says. Stephen is aghast. "Yeah, we're over a thousand, easy, right now," Bag Boy tells him. Stephen is totally, totally aghast. What an idiot. Miguel tells us that they knew Stephen was going to be "WAY over budget." Back in the kitchen, the back of the house cooks. Dave puts tables together for American Workshop. Lee Anne and Miguel wonder where Stephen is. He's still at Economy dealing with gravy boats. GRAVY BOATS! Stephen tells Bag Boy to scratch all the gravy boats. I think I've been to, like, one restaurant that had a gravy boat, and it wasn't even a gravy boat, it was more a gravy dinghy for an individual serving. I don't think restaurants really go in for that kind of stuff, and I've eaten all up and down the restaurant food chain. Stephen meticulously explains that they can get rid of the individual red and white wine glasses and go with a wine tumbler, "Which is more traditional in Spain." Dude, the wine tumbler is more traditional in rustic cuisines all over Europe. Provence, Burgundy, Ile-de-France? Tumblers. Tuscany, Piedmont, Lazio? Tumblers. Keckler's Kitchen in San Francisco? Tumblers. They are the latest "thing." Stephen finally gets his bill down. Lee Anne and Miguel are pissed that Stephen's still not there.

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