READERS' NOTE: I am not a chef. Dinner last night was a Lean Cuisine BBQ Pizza, and breakfast this morning was a mini-bagel with whipped cream cheese. I certainly can cook, but you are undoubtedly going to find my vocabulary lacking and my viewpoint peasant-like. It's safe to say this will be your first recap written by someone who has occasionally had Cheez-Its for dinner, and I have to admit, it's making me feel very inadequate.
Anyway, in news of other people's crippling insecurities, we find the cheftestants in the apartment the day after Mia axed herself, and Betty is just stretching and waking up, yawning to Elia that seven of them are left. Elia interviews that it was awkward for her to be there when she had barely avoided elimination very recently, and only courtesy of Mia's very silly gesture. She says she's not sure what Mia was thinking in auf-ing herself, but she's just glad to still be in the game. One would think. She suggests that it's like "being reborn again," and for a minute, I fear that Elia has found Jesus and is going to tell us all about it instead of making food, but happily, this does not occur. I don't think I'd want to see religious-themed appetizers. [Several incredibly offensive jokes omitted.]
Glad ForceFlex bags get a glorious, adoring, semi-porny, Cybill-Shepherd's-face-on-Moonlighting kind of close-up that probably earned Bravo a few thousand bucks. The music grows tense, and we move to the apartment kitchen for the Great Skillet Skirmish Of 2007 (So Far). Ilan is doing something with the taking out of trash, and Marcel has fried himself a couple of eggs and is now dropping some bread into the toaster. "How'd you sleep?" Ilan asks. "Great," Marcel responds. "I always sleep great," Ilan adds, and you can already tell that he is absolutely spoiling for a fight. Ilan points imperiously at the pan in which Marcel's eggs are sitting, and he says, "You want to take those out so I can make myself an egg?" Any time someone starts with "you wanna" instead of "would you," you know that he's trying to start a fight. It's why you don't hear people saying, "Would you like to have a piece of me?" Marcel pauses for a minute and says of his eggs, "I kind of want to keep them warm so I can put them over the toast." Ilan considers this for a minute and then announces, "You're very selfish. Anybody ever tell you that, Marcel?" Marcel earns a little of my stingily distributed love by actually answering the strictly rhetorical question, and rather cleverly: "I think Betty told me that, like, a week ago." Boy, I loved that. It's like he's either incredibly dry in humor, or he has a brain issue that keeps him from interpreting anything other than literally. Ilan explains in an interview that he thinks Marcel is cocky and "full of himself," and "comes off as if he's better than everybody else."