Top Chef
Top Chef

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 569 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Hate the Sin, Love the Dinner

And now, Padma and Ted return. Ted first speaks to Ilan, who has made a very red plate of steak tartare with giant red taro chips. I thought I saw them described as beet chips somewhere, but taro is a different thing... right? (Cheez-Its! For dinner! I'm saying!) The whole thing looks red, that's for sure. Next up is Betty, whose green plate is very, very green. Not really a vibrant green, though. It's a fairly nondescript veggie green, and it's all the same color, and there aren't any variations in texture or anything... it looks like a houseplant. Her idea is a "green zucchini tamale," which amounts to a hollowed-out zucchini filled with green beans and a sort of a spinach-basil pesto thing. Oh, and it's garnished with lime, for no apparent good reason other than that... that's green also! Ted wants to know if this is a dish she's made before, and she says it isn't. And of course it isn't, because you would never make this, other than to prove you can make something that's a totally uniform shade of green. We then move on to Marcel, whose brown dish is a steak-and-egg breakfast. It's a little stack, consistent with Marcel's love for precious little arrangements of food that look like buildings in Puzzletown. There's a piece of steak on the bottom, then a big crouton, then a carefully trimmed egg. Oh, and on top? A coffee foam. You know what steak and eggs do not require? A coffee foam, that's what. He was so close to making something that was, other than the shape, non-precious. And then: foam. The other cheftestants chortle at the foam, and Sam tells us that he thinks it's getting a bit "redundant" with the foam concept. He claims that in nine episodes, Marcel has made nine foams. Marcel explains that the coffee sludge is for aroma. I think he should definitely, definitely have ditched that once it turned into sludge rather than "essence." A sprinkling of coffee is a very different thing from resting your plate on slop.

Elia has made a Dover sole filet with an egg. Ted says nothing of this, really. Cliff introduces his purple dish, explaining about the color blindness and saying that Marcel actually offered to help him find purple things, but he turned the help down. It seems foolish, because of all the things that are obnoxious about Marcel, I don't believe he would have told Cliff that cherries were purple or anything. In any event, what Cliff wound up making is red snapper with eggplant and "a pickled beet and blackberry compote." That sounds... kind of gross to me, I admit. I realize I'm kind of a Neanderthal here, but if you offer me fish with pickled beets and fruit, I'm going to cringe. I can't help it. I'll just have Cheerios, thanks. Ted likes it, though, so it goes to show you what I know. Sam's yellow breakfast includes "a duo of muffins," which is one of those phrases that just sends me right over the edge. And of course, rather than either one of them looking like a muffin, they're both cutesy-poo little slices of muffin -- one lemon, one corn. I really, really would rather just have a corn muffin. Anyway, the muffins are stacked with cheese and an egg yolk, so it's really kind of a duo of McMuffins. Alongside that, there's a fruit salad. Ted likes the combination of sweet and savory, and I admit that in the eating, I would probably very much enjoy that breakfast. Tooth-hurting Michael made salmon and carrot chips, which has the advantage of looking like something you might actually eat on purpose, Betty. Padma and Ted especially like the carrot chips. I like a contestant unpretentious enough to make a snack.

Top Chef

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