Top Chef

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
Hate the Sin, Love the Dinner

Of course, Marcel does come off that way, and has certainly made an ass of himself on several occasions. But keep in mind that the particular kitchen argument we are currently viewing is the result of Ilan being asked to wait to make an egg long enough for Marcel's toast to be done. Toast. He's not roasting a turkey, he's not making a soufflé, and he's not constructing a seven-layer trifle. It is toast. Walk across the kitchen, scratch your nose, and walk back, and it will be all over. Happens automatically! Ilan goes on in the interview to say that in the last challenge, Marcel seemed "offended" about not being considered a leader of the team when they won. I do remember that. And it was stupid. As for Marcel, he tells us that being cooped up with people and away from your family will make things emotional and cause fights. I'm sorry, that's entirely too rational. He will have to go back and get himself another, more dramatic approach. As Ilan puts his egg onto a piece of toast (selfish!), Marcel says to him, "You broke your yolk; you disappoint me." Ilan's response? "At least I'm not a virgin." Oh, Lordy. I'm not defending Marcel's stupid broken-yolk insult, which just fed the hostility that was already being dished out and coming right at him. But when somebody says something that's kind of specific to the moment, and you respond with some sort of irrelevant grand insult, you're always the one who looks bad. It's like, "I hate that tie." "Oh yeah? Well, you didn't graduate from college." No tie is bad enough to make the tie-wearing person lose that exchange.

Anyway, Marcel chuckles at the "virgin" remark, and then we move over to Michael, who is sitting around talking about his hopes for a short Quickfire, lest he have to run and spit up blood. He explains in a chipmunk-cheeked interview that he had to have a tooth pulled yesterday. And he looks it, let me tell you. If you saw him on The Smoking Gun, arrested for stealing his wife's underpants, you'd be like, "Huh. He looks like he had a tooth pulled yesterday." Mike also implies to Cliff that it was a pretty slipshod tooth-pulling, akin to having your hair cut by your mother using a bowl. He is totally growing on me, and has definitely come a long way since Snickers and Cheetos. But I don't really appreciate the fact that he's making me think about having my teeth pulled with pliers. He explains that he wants immunity so that he can sit out the elimination challenge and nurse his pain. I kind of don't blame him. Lying down cures many ailments.

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Top Chef




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