Top Chef

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
Hate the Sin, Love the Dinner

Colicchio comes in for the sniff-and-sneer. (A genius turn of phrase, incidentally.) He asks about Michael's face and hears about the tooth extraction. We also learn that Michael is making trout and salmon with basil aioli and asparagus. See, that sounds like food you might actually eat on purpose. Colicchio nevertheless kind of makes a dubious face. He then moves on to Ilan, who reveals that the "decadent chocolate dessert" is a super-dense chocolate cake with the funnel cake besides. I think the two-cake idea could kind of have worked here, the idea of a cake with a donut on the side representing gluttony. It does have a certain Homer-Simpson-y charm. Of course, it's all in the execution. Colicchio talks to Marcel about the fact that he's also doing a dessert. He seems particularly vexed by the fact that both desserts have chocolate, although Marcel stresses that the focus of his is the cherries, not the chocolate. I enjoy a good dessert as much as the next person, but I think I wouldn't want two, if I'm being honest, unless one is really straight-up fruit, pretty much, which a cherry tart with all this flibbety-floo isn't, really.

Elia hucks her chicken into the oven as Colicchio says that they have about an hour and a half to go. Things are sliced and chopped and grated. Ilan is making a giant pan of brittle of some sort. With 20 minutes to go, Marcel gently (really!) points out that he's been seeing the refrigerator not closed quite a bit, so he'd like people to be sure they're closing it. Ilan now gives an interview in which he looks so hilarious that I almost can't get through the description. He's got... he's got a lime-green do-rag on, and then he has a hoodie on with the hood pulled up. It's just... it's hilariously awful, and it's awfully hilarious. It's like he's dressed up as a bad-ass for Halloween. He also tells us that Marcel "needs to work on his people skills." And Ilan, the smoothie, is just the one to educate him. He calls out to Marcel that "cherries are supposed to reduce your sex drive." I did find one study that supported that proposition, believe it or not, but that doesn't make Ilan any less of an asshole. Because really, within reason, you know what's lustful about dessert? The mood it puts you in. If the dessert is beautiful and luscious and makes you feel pampered, the fact that it contains cherries is not going to kill your sex drive. Furthermore, you know, it has been my experience that there is a correlation between how much people talk about their frequency and skill in the area of sex and how much good sex they're having. And that correlation is inverse. I have a strongly held belief that "I am great in bed" guy is almost never great in bed, and "I love foreplay" guy means "when it is received by me," and "you need to get laid" guy needs to get laid. This entire approach to insulting other people just never makes you look like sexy. And the more you focus on it, the more pronounced the effect. So when Ilan adds, "Maybe it's because you've never had sex," the effect is basically complete. I can only assume from the two mentions in this one episode that Marcel has at some point told the rest of these people that he's a virgin, which was a horrible, horrible mistake, but which tends to suggest he's not all that embarrassed about it.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17Next

Top Chef




Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP