Top Chef
Snacks On A Plane

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Keckler: B- | Grade It Now!
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Chopping Broccolini
Sure enough, a large area of Top Chef Towers has been turned into a Quickfire space with tables of food and cooking stations. Padma, the only judge for this Quickfire, explains that they have twenty minutes to make her breakfast using the product-placed blender. Padma starts the clock and everyone runs -- barefoot mostly -- around the small area. Hung says they all "scattered like roaches." The only vermin I see in this scene is you, Mr. I Didn't Drop the Truffle Oil Except That I Totally Did. Sure enough, just as Hung dashes away from a counter, a bottle of oil falls and smashes on the hard floor. Casey explains it was already dangerous with all of them running around such a small area, but it was then compounded by Hung knocking over the glass bottle of oil. Hung tells us, "I did not spill the truffle oil. If I did, I apologize, but I don't think I did. I'm not here for anybody else. I'm here to cook and I don't really care what anybody else is doing, I'm focused on myself. Every day: push, push, push." He sounds like a woman in labor. Maybe we should jam a big needle in his spine?

Dale tells us he ran an award-winning brunch place in Chicago for four years, but their breakfasts took four hours to prep, not twenty minutes. They also didn't have to cook on a butane burner. Surprise, surprise -- the pushy Hung doesn't have time for breakfast in his normal life, but he's doing steak and eggs because it's a "very traditional American breakfast." And in Hung-speake, "traditional" means "peasant-class," "common," "average," and "equal to the slop given to pigs who don't know any better." Hung is using his product-placed blender to make a papaya, banana, and honey smoothie with condensed milk and Grand Marnier. Oooh, think Jamba Juice would go for that recipe? Actually, the idea of condensed milk and Grand Marnier makes chunks rise in my throat. Hung admits that the alcohol was "for Padma." Sure, because everyone likes to be drunk AND high in the morning. Nothing else gets me out of bed, really. Sara laughs to us, "Padma is the judge for this Quickfire challenge. I mean, we know she likes alcohol and we know she likes mascarpone cheese." Wait, just HOW do they know that Padma likes alcohol? (Keckler likes alcohol tooooo!) Has Mary Jane Baker demonstrated her love for alcohol to the cheftestants? Sara then gets serious and tells us, "And she also likes healthier food, like whole-grain products and stuff like that." So Sara made her a vodka, mascarpone, and brown rice smoothie, right? Sadly, not. She made an Eggs in the Hole (a.k.a. Bull's-eye), where the "hole" is in French toast, and the "toast" is multi-grain. I think that makes it Oeuffing in the Grainy Hole. Casey makes a savory French toast with a fried egg and salsa. Additionally, Casey, who went to the Shannen Doherty School of Pronunciation, is using her "blin-der" to puree up an unappetizing pale brown salsa. Casey next dramatically careens across the floor, and since the camera moves away from her, she screams, "Whooooooa!" The camera predictably snaps back to her. CJ cautions, "Watch out for oil on the floor, Casey," as Casey makes a big show of flapping her flip-flops on the floor, wiping them off. I'll forgive CJ's mispronunciation of "crêpes" only because his patter is so cute. He says he made the crêpes because, "I know women love crêpes. For some reason, you guys just have this THING with crêpes and I don't know why, I don't care to know why, I don't question it." Hee. So, in case you didn't catch that, CJ is making crêpes.

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