Top Chef
Social Service

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Ain't it Offal, Mabel?

Morning at the LA lofts. Michael shovels stacks of pancakes into his mouth and says something profane and undecipherable. Marcel tells us that the morning after Camp Glucoyapi, he was feeling really distraught. For the first time ever, he was on a winning team, but he felt that all the allegations of cheating took that success away from him. Frank basically tells him to get over it. And when Frank tells you to get over something, you better get over it or you'll wake up with headcheese in your bed. Betty tells us, "I. Am. Not. A. Cheater. My. Error. Was. A. Mistake." Josie tells us that after she heard about the controversy at last week's Judges' Table, she thought it was sad that everyone was "sacrificing each other." Hon? It's a competition. It's gonna happen. Deal with it. I swear, didn't ANY of these grillers and whiskers do their season one homework? Josie also randomly decides to tell us that she and Marisa have become very good friends and they trust only each other. Okay, it's not so random when you know what's going down in this episode, but still. The cheftestants head out.

Krappy Kenmore Kitchen. Padmadala gives her wooden spiel, "There are still TWELVE of you in the competition. FIGHTING for a place in the Top Chef finale. Our GUEST judge for this ROUND is Michelle Bernstein. Michelle's the CHEF and OWNER of Michy's in Miami and CONSULTING chef for Social Restaurants here in LA and Miami." She's also the celebrity chef Delta Airlines hired to create meals for their more privileged flyers and was featured in Food & Wine magazine. Carlos starts clapping softly and happily and tells us how much he loves her. He also suck-upaliciously adds that Food & Wine magazine is his bible. Michelle Bernstein totally reminds me of Sandra Bernhard -- hair, mouth, eyes, and mannerisms. Padmadala announces, "THIS round deals with... LEFTOVERS. The REAL test of a GREAT chef comes in being creative with very DIFFCULT ingredients." The Quickfire is for them to take the "leftover" parts of animals -- offal, basically -- and use at least one of them in a delicious dish. They have two hours. Given that the majority of the cheftestants go for the sweetbreads (thymus glands or pancreas), I'll tell you what else they could have chosen: lamb kidneys, veal kidneys, pigs trotters, chicken feet, beef hearts, fish heads, pig blood, veal tails, beef cheeks, honeycomb tripe, lamb hearts, veal tongue, and pig's ears. Not quite your usual Thanksgiving leftovers of seeping cranberry sauce, separated gravy, and turkey with a sheet of opaque yellow fat making it stick to the serving platter.

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Top Chef

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