Top Chef
Superbowl Chef Showdown

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Keep It Simple, Stupid

Jamie goes first and gets Fruits as her food group. The ingredient will be revealed later. Leah gets Seafood, and Fabio gets Vegetables. Fabio interviews, "I am not excited about vegetables, guys. There is a-no reason to eat vegetable when there is meat and fish around." My husband just fell in love with Fabio. I think they will have a short and artery-clogging life together. Stefan gets Dairy, Hosea gets Meat, Carla gets Nuts and Grain, and Jeff gets Poultry. Padma finally reveals the ingredients for each cheftestant and -- whaaaaa? (Fake shock). They all get product-placed oats! Okay, it was one thing when they had the Dr. Pepper challenge because actually using the ingredient was optional, and only shills like Ariane used it. But now they are required to use it? Blech. And plus, oats. It's not even an interesting ingredient. When you want to use a food to illustrate dull and bland, you use oats. Because none of the cheftestants were actually excited, they had to cut to an interview with Crazy Carla, who's all, "I eat oatmeal all the time! Especially the brand created by our sponsor! OATS! OATS!!!!! I'm practically a horse, I eat so many oats. NEEEIIIIIGGGH! Oh, did I go too far? No such thing? Shameless? Okay, got it." I may be paraphrasing. Oh, how I wish I could have heard the conversation between, say, Jamie and Stefan about the fucking oats.

So anyway, the challenge is to pair oats with their food group, in a "new and surprising way." The winner does not get immunity, but they will have an advantage in the Elimination Challenge to be named later. They get to eat oatmeal to up their strength beforehand? I'm just spitballing here. The challenge begins. Jamie explains that oats and fruit seem obvious, so she's putting a spin on it and doing a coconut-and-oat-crusted shrimp. Hosea is doing wiener schnitzel. Jeff is busy pounding out his chicken breasts with a frying pan, something I do frequently. Sometimes I use a rolling pin, but a frying pan works better. I am surprised they don't have a mallet in the kitchen though. Anyway, there's chopping and whisking and beating and whatnot. Jeff plans to use oats in his main dish, as well as his starch and vegetable, since he clearly still thinks that instead of doing one good dish, it's better to do three that might be good if he had more time and some help, but instead are going to turn out sort of mediocre. Do you think that might be his eventual downfall? Carla interviews that Jeff can't "quiet the creative monkeys." I bet Carla really does believe that there are monkeys in her head. I mean, this is the same woman who talked about love as an ingredient to the point where I think she had a box with a homemade label that said "love" and she sprinkled it over the food.

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Top Chef

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