Top Chef

Episode Report Card
Chuck: B- | 675 USERS: C+
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Stupid Displeasures

Dale, with Red Hook ESB, offers roasted pork tenderloin with miso caramel sauce and a pretzel crust, and says, "I've never done this dish before." Hopefully, he will never do it again, as he continues that "it looks like I put raw pretzel dust on top of the pork," perhaps because he did. Koren moves along, poker face in full effect. Antonia made a miso glazed cod (it's starting to sound like a Japanese Brady Bunch in here -- Miso! Miso! Miso!) with sautéed Napa cabbage (can't tell what beer she landed -- oh, I think it might be the Kirin), while for Nikki, "beer signifies fried food." She's paired pan-Asian Tiger beer with citrus marinated fried shrimp and Asian coleslaw for what looks to be a thoroughly boring taste experience.

"Whenever I go out and drink beer, I like to have some mussels," says Stephanie, which is either an exaggeration, or Stephanie doesn't go out and drink beer that often, or she's kind of gross in an OCD way. Whatever the case, her steamed mussels with cilantro vinaigrette and grilled bread (oh, how I adore grilled bread) looks pretty good, if a bit cramped in their small white bowl, and I bet they go well with the Hoegarden. Koren again reveals nothing, which Stephanie finds "nerve-wracking." Mark's paired a juniper spiced lamb rack with honey and beer sauce with very drinkable Stella (a beer I quite enjoy even if I detest the stupid, overlong ads they've been running of late). Koren "can't taste the beer in it," but likes the combination of flavors.

Ryan, with Bass, did something that involves espelette deglazed with beer, crepinette, and lamb, but they don't say what exactly he's prepared, maybe because the producers care even less than I do. Spike, with tons passion and talent on display, dumped a pile of cold cuts, cheese and grapes on a board, called is a charcuterie plate, and added a small bowl of clams for effect. Grolsch deserves better. When Padma asks Koren if she likes clams with her beer (just the bearded ones!), Koren mumbles something about preferring to keep it "straightforward," which I won't touch, and Spike mutters that she "just didn't get the dish, but there was really nothing to get." Exactly, dumbass. Just leave already.

Top Chef

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