Top Chef
Texas BBQ Wars

Episode Report Card
Kim: C+ | Grade It Now!
Salt Lick

Ty notes that Chris Moto's entire table is enshrouded in smoke like he's a wizard. Ty is trying to keep his dish simple, but he is using maltodextrin and while he explains what he's doing, he lost me when he said it will turn olive oil into a powder that will then dissolve back into olive oil. Here's a phrase I don't want to use when I'm eating food: "Wow, neat trick." Just give me olive oil. You don't need to make it into a powder first. I am grumpy.

Paul doesn't even know how to say molecular gastronomy, and I knew I liked him for a reason. Grayson is trying to make caviar that's not caviar and admits that this style of cooking isn't her forte. Beverly is making a curry foam but she's not super confident with the equipment. Well that probably won't bite her in the ass. Sarah is also not a modernist chef, but she decides to make a breakfast raviolo, because it's looking at a dish in a new way. Now that I can get behind.

Chris Hollywood talks about how he's Mr. Modern and his apartment is modern. So we get to see some footage from his audition tape that includes the artwork in his apartment. It's all stylized nudes. Mostly painted in blood red. Lots of body parts and very few whole women. Guess what's even creepier? Chris painted them himself! And judging by the quality, he hasn't seen very many naked women. Boobs don't look like that, and neither do nipples. Oh, Chris Hollywood. You are so very creepy all of a sudden. I was kind of hoping you and Grayson would hook up but now I want her to run far, far away. You know the editors had that footage in their back pockets and were like, "So in which episode can we shoehorn in Chris's serial killer apartment footage? This one? Great. Good. Done."

As time ends, Chris Moto is seriously going to have a nervous breakdown if they don't like his food. And I do have some empathy; this is his jam, so if he screws this up, what's the point? Nathan and Padma start tasting with Beverly, who made flash steamed clams and mussels with curry whipped cream and mango chili. She goes to dispense the cream on the plate and the device explodes and farts out curry cream onto the judges' clothing, including Padma's probably-not-the-Target-version Missoni dress. And then when she's trying to clean up, Beverly knocks over two trays of pots and pans. Oh, dear. She has problems. Edwards interviews that Beverly is a good chef and person, but she is an oddball. That's putting it mildly.

So after the commercial, Nathan tells Beverly how to properly use the device and Beverly interviews that she's socially awkward. Sarah made a breakfast rabiolo, pancetta and egg yolk. You guys, I finally had a burger with a fried egg on top and it was amazing and why have I been wasting my time eating plain burgers all this time and why didn't anyone tell me? Holy crap, that was good stuff. Anyway, Sarah's dish looks yummy although I'm not sure about the orange juice "sauce." Edward made salmon belly sashimi, compressed watermelon and brunoise radishes. Grayson made trout sashimi, dill caviar, pickled watermelon, cucumber and radish. Is watermelon the hot new ingredient or what? I don't get it. Watermelon is fine on a hot day, but it's mostly water. It's kind of flavorless. Maybe that's the point.

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Top Chef




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