Top Chef

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Eat Like You Were Dying

Padma tells each cheftestant what he or she will be cooking. Carla's making roast squab with fresh peas for Jacques Pepin. Really? Squab? Wouldn't you go with something totally unhealthy and decadent for that last meal? Maybe that's why I'm not a culinary genius. Well, that and so many other reasons. Like the fact that I made Double Chocolate Turtle Rice Krispie treats for my Valentine's Day dessert. Wait, that might be genius. Hosea will be making shrimp scampi with tomatoes Provencal for Susan Ungaro. Stefan will be making roasted salmon and spinach for Marcus Samuelsson. Fabio will be making roast chicken with roasted potatoes and a leafy salad for Lidia Bastianich. Wylie asks for eggs Benedict for his last meal, so Leah will prepare it. Really? These are the most boring last meals of all time. Where are the turduckens and the three-pound cheeseburgers and the steaks? I bet the producers were really disappointed when the chefs revealed their choices. BORING! Padma says that Carla's advantage as Quickfire winner is that she can swap with anyone else, but Carla doesn't want to. Carla interviews some nonsense and squeals about PEAS! For JACQUES! I don't know that the written word can convey Carla's excitement. Padma gives logistics: three hundred dollars and thirty minutes to shop, and then two hours to prep and cook. Stefan interviews that it would really suck to be eliminated right before the finals. In fact, he claims it would be "the true, real shitstick." Can't argue with that.

Weird interstitial. The cheftestants go out to dinner at the restaurant owned by Harold, winner of Season One. He makes small talk with them but he kind of looks like he couldn't care less. That was random.

The next day, the cheftestants head to Whole Foods. The men play grab ass and horse around while walking in. Actually, Fabio and Stefan pretend to elbow each other out of the way and then Hosea runs up from behind and tries to get in on the fun, which seems emblematic of something, but I don't know what. Carla interviews about the challenge, and says that she thinks she and Jacques are two peas in a pod. That would be cuter if it didn't feel like the person behind the camera asked her to say it. Fabio reviews the dish he has to prepare and jokes that they might as well have handed him something that said "Welcome to the final" because it's that much in his wheelhouse. Hosea goes to buy his shrimp and Stefan runs up and jokes with the guy behind the counter about giving Hosea subpar shrimp. Hosea interviews that Stefan is definitely the guy to beat, but all it takes is one mistake to get sent home, even for Stefan. Stefan interviews his honest assessment of Hosea: he doesn't think Hosea has enough experience or balls to be a chef. I'm not sure how the balls help, but I'm not a dude. Perhaps they impart some sort of flavoring? Okay, how many times have they been to Whole Foods this season? And presumably they go to the same one? And Leah is asking an employee where the eggs and butter are. WTF? Leah explains that she's going to use challah bread (Holla!) and put her own spin on the recipe.

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Top Chef

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