Top Chef
The Raw And The Cooked

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Surfin' So Sorry
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Since Andy Cohen and all the other Bravo VPs don't want us discussing it, can we talk about Padmadala's outfits tonight? First of all, I loved her long green skirt with the metallic dangly detail at the waist and the girly pink tee-shirt. They both hugged her minor curves to great effect and made her look like the cover of The Official Preppy Handbook: India Edition. See? Still sexy but not a whole lot of skin that hot grease could snack on. Then, we get her out to the beach and she... lord. She has that weird psychedelically patterned head kerchief with her hair lanking down around her face -- all of which conspire to make her look like a Hell's Angel girlfriend, who is really from a wealthy family but lied about her background when she ran away with him and every so often the Hell's Angel boyfriend flips out and beats her but she read a lot of Kerouac and really just wants to travel around with him so she tolerates it until he nearly kills her but she's saved by a mysterious stranger. Wait, I think that a Quantum Leap episode. So, beyond the head kerchief, she's wearing a denim mini-skirt and a bikini. Well, they're on the beach, so the bikini would be fine were it not for the fact that Colicchio and Gail are totally bundled up AND for the fact that Padmadala is wearing a shearling vest OVER the bikini top and OVER the shearling vest, she's wearing a FULL-LENGTH cardigan. If it's that cold, why the bikini, Padmadala? WHY THE BIKINI!?

The episode opens and as usual with a morning cheftestant check in. Elia does some Pilates and says she can't let her emotions get the better of her. Aw, does that mean no more chocolate facials? I love Esthetician Elia! Son of Sam tells us, "I feel like I have a great chance at the title, I feel like people feel I'm a force." Yes, your midichlorians are off the chart. We cut over to a nearly naked Frank -- my poor husband, Mathra, thought he was really naked and yelled so loudly the cats still haven't left the safety of the bathtub -- whose upper arms are covered with (Chinese? Japanese?) characters that read, "Don't mess with Frank the Bull or you get the horny white man who tattoos himself with Asian characters and doesn't use spellcheck." Frank the Bully tells us how wonderful he is.

The cheftestants meet Padmadala at the Redondo Beach Farmers' Market, where she tells them they will be making dish of all raw ingredients. No cooking allowed. Gasps all around. Whatever, make a salad. Padmadala introduces their guest judge, Raphael Lunetta, who is a former Food & Wine Magazine favorite and is also the chef-owner of Jiraffe Restaurant. They have thirty minutes and twenty dollars to shop at the market. They have an additional thirty minutes to put their dishes together in the Krapmore Kitchens. Why even reference Krapmore when they aren't even using any of the krappy appliances? You know what I think? I think this was yet another day when the Krapmore appliances were offline, so they HAD to make everything raw. When they do get to cook, it's over a fire pit. No Krapmore there. Know how we know? The fire pits actually worked! The cheftestants shop. They all talk to us about what ingredients they're buying, but the only one worthy of reporting on is Michael telling us he doesn't eat raw food. I don't even know why I find that hysterical, but it's mostly because I don't think Michael realizes that those green stringy things he eats with Buffalo wings are raw.

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Top Chef

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