MONDO EXTRAS

After some blessed, blessed commercials, Andy welcomes us back to a "chef-tastic" edition of Watch What Happens, and we go back over to Tim Gunn, who squints and wants to know what the hell Ilan is doing. Oh, how I wish Tim Gunn were in the room because he could then turn that squint on Ilan's cuffs and add, "Besides waiting for the proverbial flood." Well, Ilan is given some time to get his vacillating thoughts together as we watch him perform and lose to Jacques Pepin at the Food and Wine Classic in Aspen. We cut over to Michelle Bernstein at the Classic, who expresses the thought that yes, Ilan was the winner, but Sam is the one with all the ladies lining up for him. Bunch of scenes of Sam getting his photo taking with lots and lots of chicks. At one point he whispers to the cameras that one chick in particular grabbed his ass. She was looking for the duck fat. Ilan is interviewed as saying, "Sam surrounds himself by [sic] ladies because he's insecure." Ilan surrounds himself "by" slag-offs on others because he's a tool AND a douchebag. Back in the studio, Ilan has the grace to look somewhat ashamed of himself and says, "Wow." Does he not remember saying these things? Does he have douchebag blackouts? Ted Allen asks Ilan who he surrounds himself with. "People that I love," Ilan says. Note that he does not say, "People who love me," because there wouldn't be enough of them to circumscribe even 15% of his ego. Ted Allen says he's seen Ilan's entourage. Yeah, it's the bum that lives on his front stoop, a pack of stray dogs, and a little girl who wants his tiny Louis Vuitton briefcase for her Felicity doll. Sam is asked what his response to Ilan is. "About being insecure?" Sam retorts quickly, "Oh, no -- I'm not insecure. I don't know." Padma weighs in with her opinion that the ladies seeking out Sam has nothing to do with him personally. He's shy and reserved and the ladies all gravitate to him. Andy notes that Gail was helping Ilan in the cook-off. She was his sous chef and Ilan can attest to her kitchen skills. Ilan -- realizing he needs to get someone on his side with some shallow compliments -- says, "Fucking bad-ass."