MONDO EXTRAS

And now the question Ilan has been preparing for: what are you actually doing with yourself when you're not buying knock-off fashion? Ilan gibbers the same response we've been hearing for months: entertaining offers, doing demos all over, traveling, can't commit to any one thing at this point because he's just in SUCH high demand. Read: no one wants to hire me for anything because I'm such an UNBELIEVABLE turd. And while we're happily scraping open unhealed wounds, how does Sam feel about not being in the finale? Sam admits he thought he was going further than he did. We cut back to the Judges' Table discussion of his dish and Colicchio saying Sam didn't cook anything. Back in the studio, Colicchio would like it to be known that all we viewers ever get is mere snippets of what all they said. He's surprised that what made it -- out of two hours of deliberation -- was his comment that Sam didn't cook. Okay, so I appreciate that Colicchio is expressing discontent over getting the edit he did, but it would also be helpful if he maybe gave us some insight of what else he said in those two hours. Andy tries to defend his side of the show by saying, "It was my understanding that you guys went so back and forth on that it was kind of --" Not according to all the judges. Padma felt one way and Colicchio felt the opposite. That sort of sounds like going back-and-forth to me, but if the judges' are protesting how they were portrayed, I'm on their side. Sam admits he felt he had it in the bag that day. Colicchio says all the dishes were good, and Gail adds that because all the dishes are good, it does end up getting down to the real nitpicky stuff. The tiny details.

And here we move to why people love reality television: the drama. We cut back to Stephen vs. Candice in the Tool and Douchebag round, Howie vs. Joey in the Battle of the Bulges, Miguel vs. Tiffani in the Snake -- TSSSS! debate, and finally, of course, Marcel vs. Almost Everyone. Apparently they cut a Marcel vs. Ilan fight short because back in the studio, Mikey offers, "There's so much more to that one -- he told him he didn't deserve to have laiggs." ...Good one. Was he trying to riff off of the Miguel insult? "You're a snake tssss!