Okay, so if this was the hilarity that ensued right before the head-shaving, I can see why the idea of "all in good fun" might have existed. Too bad Bravo didn't want to give us these scenes to provide some sort of context to what followed. I'm not excusing the attack, because clearly, there came a point when Marcel was "no means no" and they still didn't let up, but still, we now know what Bravo wanted us to see. Yet Ilan still won. Gross. Back in the studio, Ilan explains that sometimes they wanted to go to bed at four in the morning, but other times they were too keyed up. "And you do skits when you're home and you're tired," Dave says, raising his eyebrows and examining his palms. We just learned more about his alone time than we ever wanted to know. "Why don't we do more skits?" the Evil Dr. Mathra asks plaintively.
Some fan wants to know what's the worst thing about living with other chefs. Starting with Dave, we learn that having both Stephen and Ken as roommates was sarcastically "great." "I knew I was on a reality show when those were my two roommates," Dave says, rolling his eyes. Cut to Ken screaming, "HOWAAAA" or somesuch and steeling his blades. Then we cut to Stephen sabreing a bottle of Champagne. Andy adds, "And I heard Ken had actual -- like a hard time sleeping." Dave says -- cutting back to Ken steeling his blades -- that Ken had night terrors. Night terrors of himself, it seems. Ken would go crazy and jump off the bed and roll on the floor, screaming. Dave said they had to get the doctor in and it was bad. Was Ken in Nam or something? Because I swear I saw all that behavior on a Magnum P.I. rerun. It was the one where Rick is after a shady dame, and T.C. doesn't want to loan Magnum his helicopter. Ted Allen wonders how weird it is for them to not have access to cell phones, internet, television or newspapers. Weird enough to make one have night terrors, apparently. Camille and Micah respond about how hard it was not to be able to check in on their businesses and their kids. Sandee says, "For the single people on our episode, it was like Spring Break -- they were having a blast."
Cutting over to Jackie Warner, who WARNS us against the empty calories found in a bottle of booze, we get clips of the cheftestants drinking and drinking and drinking. "You guys do seem to drink a lot," Andy says, all finger-shakingly. Didn't we learn that it's Bravo who stocks them up with beer and very little else? Ticking stuff on his fingers, Colicchio says, "If you can't watch TV, and you can't have phones, and you can't listen to the radio, and you can't, like, sneak away and screw, so what else is there to do?" EWWWW! I do not want to hear Colicchio say "screw"! Does this mean he CAN do this? Does this mean he DOES do this? Oh God, this means that every time he's not on screen I'm gonna think he's off doing just that!