Top Chef
Unhappy Customers

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Keckler: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Foaming at the Mouth

Lalalina is called to the Judges' Table. Elia frets over not winning to her teammates. At the Judges' Table, Padmadala tells Lalalina they are not the winning team tonight. Gail proceeds to read some of the mallrats' comment cards. Complaints about the lack of wine and the bon not about the chef being on crack are dispensed. "All of us where so amazed by these comments because they were the exact comments that we said," Gail explains. You thought Sam was on crack? Also, why would it be amazing for the other diners to share in your dislike of the meal? I'd think it would be more amazing if the mallrats had a complete opposite reaction. Gail definitely takes hyperbole supplements every day. Except, instead of One-a-Days, they are A-Million-a-Days. Colicchio asks what their concept was. "The concept was, like, a rustic Italian sort of --" Sam beings. "'Sort of'? 'Sort of''s not a concept," Colicchio interrupts belligerently. Man, he's really pissed he didn't get any wine! Also, that's not what Sam meant, Coldickio. He wasn't using "sort of" in the sense of "Colicchio is sort of a complete and utter asshole," he was using it in the sense of "This sort of judge is a complete and utter asshole." Padmadala asks about the olives. Mike fields this one, "We just, kind of, were thinking, put something on the table and olives came up." Why doesn't Colicchio leap on this "kind of"? Colicchio tells them there was no place to put the olive pits or the bread, just the tablecloth. Well, they said it was "rustic." I wonder what they'd make of the Ground Round with the peanut shells perpetually littering the floor. I wonder if they still do that. In the next bit, Mike is dinged for not thinking outside of his list and buying plates for the bread and olives. He talks about not needing the wineglasses. "Why didn't you need the wineglasses?" Yakura leads. "We didn't... " Mike begins. "Didn't serve wine?" Yakura supplies, "In an Italian restaurant?" Colicchio agrees it was a bad decision not to serve wine but goes back to hammering at Mike for not buying extra plates. Mike defensively refers to his "list" about five hundred times. Yakura demands to know who made the first course. Lalalina say they all did. "Who made the meatball," asks Yakura, irritated. Ted Ilan, rather nervously, says he did. "It was good," Yakura says, simply, "It was the best thing we had." Ted Ilan's too scared to thank him. Gail goes off on Ted Ilan being less than welcoming and enthusiastic in his FOH capacity. Finally, they get to the dessert -- leaving the pasta and pork loin out of it -- and Colicchio says it didn't taste good, which resulted in their low scores from the mallrats. Sam swaggers, "If I was, like, a bigger name chef -- if I was Wylie Dufresne or Mario Batali [big important New York chefs] and somebody did something like that, I think we'd be huge." It's rather confusing when transcribed, but I believe what Sam is trying to say is that if he were Batali or Dufresne and he made that dish, it would be universally accepted and adored. As much as I dislike Sam, I have to admit I don't take issue with him citing star power as an effective force to shove even the most disgusting combinations down a diner's throat and have them rave about it. Gail jumps on this, "I don't necessarily think that if Wylie Dufresne made this dish it would've been a good dish because I don't think that the actual dish worked." Padmadala tells them they need to see the other team before they plunge the knife.

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