Top Chef
Unhappy Customers

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Foaming at the Mouth

In the kitchen, Sam tells Ted Ilan to keep an eye on his bacon. Ted Ilan swears he's on top of it. Sam complains to us that while Mike was on designer duty, they were a man down. Colicchio arrives for his Sniff 'n' Sneer and asks the designer if Mike is doing any work or if he's just hanging out. The designer says that Mike is lazy. In front of Mike. Okaaay. But then she laughs and sort of takes it back? I don't know -- it was weird. Sam asks if he can borrow Mike for kitchen duty. In the back, Team Sam looks down on a skillet of burned bacon. "That bacon's toast, dude," Mike says needlessly. Sam calls Ted Ilan over with a "Dude!" Ted Ilan looks down at the mess. "Throw it out," Sam orders and walks away. Ted Ilan tells us, "I was doing three things at once, I stopped watching the bacon and it all completely burned. Sam was mad." Really? Sam preps more bacon as Ted Ilan swears and apologizes. Colicchio walks in the back and notes brightly, "I'm smelling burnt bacon!" Yes, your olfactory sense should be bronzed and stamped with a dedication to the Top Chef producers for telling you about it. Colicchio pointlessly tells Ted Ilan to keep his eye on the pans. He adds, "You don't want to burn any more." Really? They don't want to burn more bacon? Man, where would the cheftestants be without your invaluable guidance, Colicchio?

Sniffing 'n' Sneering his way around M.E.C., Colicchio tells Marcel that he doesn't strike him as a diner guy. Colicchio sneers to the cameras that there's a disconnect between the upscale diner idea and the fact that M.E.C. will serve an amuse bouche. "At a diner, your amuse is a cup of coffee," Colicchio snarks. Hence the coffee in the barbecue coffee chicken drumstick, which is their amuse. Colicchio notes that at Lalalina, Sam is on edge because of the burned bacon and the fact that Mike seems to be "all over the place with his prep." Food and design flurry.

Cliff makes some final attempts at rudeness with their designated server while Marcel tells us that while their space might not look like much, the food is ready and that's all that matters. The mallrats for this Top Chef experiment line up outside uWink. They look at the menus and deliberate over their choices for the camera's benefit. Most of this is very tiresome, because it rarely matters what is said at this point. Do I really care that some Eric Green lookalike preferred Lalalina over M.E.C. but couldn't get into Lalalina and so rolled with the "blows" and was seated at M.E.C.? No, and neither do you. Ted Ilan tells us he's a bit nervous about their chances since he's has one of Elia's burgers and thinks they are "extremely delicious."

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