Top Chef
Top Chef

Episode Report Card
Keckler: A | 558 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
A Minor Exclusion

Tiffani gives this whole speech about knowing poker rooms intimately and how "the face of poker is changing just like the face of people who run kitchens are [sic] changing and to me it was important to sort of address both at the same time." Whatever. Bullshit. Gail says that the poker players recognized the sophistication of what she was trying to do, but they just weren't used to that caliber in the poker room. "But if they do well in poker, I think they will become more used to being pampered by food," Tiffani smiles. Oh, I get it! If the poker player wins huge amounts of cash, then they will finally understand and accept and ascend to the level of what she is trying to do! It's all so clear now. See, earlier, I simply didn't realize she was channeling Stephen in this task. Gail reveals that Dave's cart was the favorite in the poker room. Dave seems confused and bemused. Either that or his tear ducts are having an aneurysm. Turning to the final task with the Cirque du Thingamaface, Colicchio thinks Harold had a hard time of it. Harold agrees that he was in the weeds because he thought too hard about how to do the task. Tiffani drools all over her three dishes and goes on that her blue crab salad had blueberries, which are rich in antioxidants -- except the acrobatheletes weren't trying to fight off free radicals and cancer; they wanted carbs, protein, and low fat -- and "tons of olive oil, which is a great fat for you." Again: moderation. Olive oil is a good fat, but, like wine, when you imbibe tons of it? Not so much good as it is drunk.

Colicchio painstakingly goes over Dave's TWO RATHER THAN THREE dishes. Dave cracks everyone up by profanely talking about turbo-carbs and what he needs to work out (although, as he freely admits, you might not see it under his coat), and the pasta, and then he slams greens and blueberries in the meantime. Tiffani takes comic exception to the blueberry comment. Colicchio tells Dave that, hands down, his beef dish was enjoyed more than any other dish, but the fact of the matter is that he didn't do three dishes. Dave says he just had a brain fart -- he understood the challenge, he didn't forget, he just blocked out the third dish. Colicchio says, "Dave, I truly believe if you had just done a dish, anything, I think that would have been yours, but it was an incomplete, so you definitely lost that one." And so Dave goes, and so he goes. And we're the only one who knows. Dave bows his head and says, "Damn." Tiffani's tiny little lips are so tightly pleased, you can't even find them in the mass of her chin. Whatever, bitch, your crab was fishy. Colicchio goes on that Harold won Cirque du Something because he had beef, fish, and poultry. Just so we're clear: Harold won two, Dave won one, and Tiffani won NOTHING. Bot tells Harold he's safe. It's between Dave and Tiffani when we go to commercials.

Top Chef

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