Top Chef
Vegas Finale, Part II

Episode Report Card
Keckler: A+ | Grade It Now!
Leggo My Ego

The judges deliberate, and it's the same old blather about Harold playing it safe and Tiffani taking risks. Colicchio adds, "The Top Chef is one who inspires others to want to work for them and clearly Harold took that."

Kitchen. Tiffani walks around. Harold leans on a counter. "I'm not going to lie [for once], it was really tough hearing that, like, everyone thought you should win." Harold sort of shrugs, not wanting to get into it with her. He's not responsible for what other people think or want. "My back just ran into your knife," Tiffani concludes. Bitch says what? I'm sorry, is she utterly DEE-RANGED? She's actually trying to blame Harold for why people dislike her. Wow, I don't think I can't handle this. Oh, oh, you're right, Tiffani, it's all HAROLD'S fault that you're a bitch. It's all HAROLD'S fault that you came out against Miguel and then lied to his face about it on national television. It's all HAROLD'S fault that you snap at people and order them around and interrupt them. It's all HAROLD'S fault that you took credit for Dave's dish. HAROLD hasn't done one damn thing to you. In fact, he has actually defended you and praised you, in the face of contrary popular opinion. God, do you ever know when to quit? Do you EVER take responsibility for your own actions? Tiffani, the name of the show isn't Top Bitch. Harold looks down and says, "Sorry." Oh, see, NO! Harold? What the fuck is wrong with you? You don't apologize to her! What the hell? You didn't, I mean, she was the one who -- I can't see why... I need another beer. You know what, Tiffani, Harold's only willing to hear you cry because he is an innocent man.

Yeah, you know what the rest of Harold's sentence better be? "I'm sorry you're a bitch." "I'm sorry I'm nicer than you." "I'm sorry I'm going to trounce your ass." "I'm sorry you live in a perpetual state of self-delusion." Do you know what Tiffani's response to Harold's apology is? "Fair enough. Fair enough." No, it's NOT "fair enough," Tiffani. The only way any of this is remotely "fair enough" is when Harold beats your small big mouth out of this whole damn competition! Man, I am going to be so worn out for the Season 2 premiere.

Judges' Table. They continue to discuss the pros and cons of all the dishes. When Colicchio says that Tiffani didn't even make the dessert, Lorraine says, "Also, I don't care about the whole drama behind the scenes -- I've worked on enough movies to know that drama is there and whether you're not getting along with your co-star... you know, the back story doesn't really mean anything, it's what I was served." You know, Lorraine, that sort of high-mindedness is great and all, but the back story is important on this show. This is how we know who is a leader and who is a bitch. Comparing what goes on on a movie or television set to what goes on in a kitchen, especially a kitchen competition, isn't very effective. There are two different ends being achieved in each situation. You have to act with a co-star, but you usually don't have to look to that co-star for direction on how to do your job. You don't view the co-star as an ideal, a mentor, a leader. Unless, of course, that co-star is Alyssa Milano. Finally, all the judges agree that they have a winner. Lorraine reiterates that she's choosing on food alone and not drama. Yes, we get it -- now shut up, Lorraine Bracco.

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