The Fan Favorite is Fabio. Read the rest if you want, but not much else happened.
Andy Cohen starts out by asking if anyone thinks he or she will be the fan favorite, and they all agree that it’s probably Fabio or Carla, although Stefan thinks it’s him. Colicchio quickly dispels that notion.
After a montage of Hosea’s journey to victory, Hosea says that he’s hoping to use his winnings to open a restaurant. The judges talk about why they chose Hosea, and it boils down to that Hosea had a great day and Stefan and Carla just had good days. Stefan claims ridiculously that he didn’t even want to win.
After a montage of Fabio and Stefan’s Euromance, Stefan is presented with a T-shirt that says “I heart Fabio” (on sale now on Bravo’s website). What? No monkey ass T-shirts? Then there’s another montage of kooky Carla. Are they going to ask any questions on this show, or is it just going to be montage, reaction, montage, reaction?
Hey, did you know Daniel, Eugene, Radhika and Leah were all eliminated on or around their birthdays? Fascinating. Also, the judges can be really harsh, especially Toby. The judges defend themselves by saying that real-world food critics can be worse, so they should get used to it.
Leah and Hosea flirted and then made out. Hosea tries to be magnanimous but then gets all defensive and says that he knows similar things have happened in past seasons, but the participants didn’t get caught on camera. They admit that they’ve seen each other since filming ended and they broke up with their significant others. Neither will commit to actually relocating for the relationship, though.
We find out, through unaired footage, that on the night that everyone wore the crazy headbands to Judges’ Table, Leah and Jamie were totally drunk. Also, Ariane cried a lot. Also, Stefan digs chicks and is kind of a poon hound. And everyone had a nickname, which leads to the second T-shirt of the night for Ariane: “I’m a Cougar in the Kitchen.” Ooooo-kay. Jamie complained a lot. Jeff doesn’t really think Tom’s food is boring, and wonders why they showed him shirtless all the time. A lot of the men were bald.
Fabio wins the Fan Favorite, because he’s funny and has an accent. Wow, what a boring reunion.
Oh, God. Andy Cohen is hosting. Look, Bravo is my overlord so I don't want to piss anyone off, but there's a reason that some people work in the below-the-line jobs and some people are on-camera talent. And it has nothing to do with "How much do you LOOOOOOVE reality shows!" Because if that were the case, I would be hosting Rock of Love Bus right now. But I'm not ridiculously good looking and I'm not natural in front of a camera, so here I sit in my home office, snarking away. Andy Cohen is, I'm sure, great at his job as Senior Vice President in Charge of Making Sure No One Steals Any More Franchise Shows or whatever, but he's not a good interviewer and he's not natural in front of the camera. Remember when Rosie or Bryant Gumbel used to host the Survivor reunions? And they sucked? And now Probst does, but they suck in a different way? There just has to be a better option for the reunion hosting. I don't think Padma should do it, but someone who is familiar with the show and not afraid to ask the uncomfortable questions and doesn't make me want to STAB MYSELF IN THE EARHOLE. I'm just saying.
Andy starts out by introducing Colicchio, Padma, Gail, and Toby. Colicchio seriously looks like he needs a nap, and possibly an alcoholic beverage. He really doesn't want to be there, guys. But it's in his contract, so there you go. I think he hates Toby. And he's pissed that Jamie didn't win. Since this reunion is so boring, I'm just going to make shit up about the various participants based on my own crazy meandering thoughts. Hope you find it entertaining, but keep in mind that this is parody, and thus not actionable. So anyway, Colicchio is all, "Why did Toby get to come? Does that mean he's coming back next season? Because if I have to hear one more labored pop-culture analogy, I'm going to cut a bitch." Tom is the voice of the viewer, y'all.
Andy welcomes the chefs, especially the final four of Hosea, Fabio, Stefan, and Carla, who they have jammed all onto one small couch. Fabio is totally doing that subway-riding big ball thing where his legs are super far apart and taking up at least 2/3 of the couch and poor Carla is practically climbing up the arm of the couch to have some space, since she's two feet taller than Fabio anyway. Andy starts with the hard-hitting questions by asking if anyone wants to admit that he or she might be the Fan Favorite. Daniel raises his hand and everyone laughs. Oh, Daniel, you card. No one likes you. Hey, I think Daniel filled in his facial hair! So at least one good thing came out of this season. Daniel realized that he looked like a dweeb. A couple of people mention Fabio and Carla as contenders for Fan Favorite. Leah says she thinks it's Stefan and everyone giggles because we've been trained by the editors to think Stefan is evil. Stefan claims it's possible: "Read zuh blogs!" Colicchio says it's not possible and Stefan mock-grimaces. Andy asks if Stefan really believes he has a shot and Stefan says he wouldn't have shown up otherwise, like he's not contractually obligated to do so. I mean, why else is Jeff there? Toby asks what would stop someone from voting for him or herself, and is told that you can. Oh, Toby. Welcome to 1998. Seriously, has he never seen or heard of an online poll? And how unscientific they are? I mean, one glance at any poll on this site proves that. Which is why no one takes them seriously, unless of course it could mean winning money. Anyway, Stefan tried to vote for himself, but we won't find out who won until the last part of the show, because they have to give us a reason to watch what doesn't happen.