Top Chef

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Watch Nothing Happen

Allegedly, people want to know about Leah and Hosea. Really? Do they? Are they not two of the most boring people on the show ever? Anyway, there's a clip package of them flirting and finally kissing when they thought the cameras weren't around. The only part Leah gets upset about is the interview where she was crying over her boyfriend. After the package ends, Andy asks them exactly what happened. Really? Do we need the gory details? Anyway, Hosea says that you're stuck in the house with nothing to do and lots of alcohol, so you do the math. Hosea takes responsibility but says alcohol was definitely a factor. Toby Young is totally into it and points out that they tried to find a spot hidden from the cameras. Hosea says it threw him off his game a bit, because he was thinking about going home and dealing with his girlfriend. Tom asks if any of the other cheftestants had an issue with it, and Stefan says no one cares, and they've all fucked around on someone at some point. Speak for yourself, dude! Although most people probably have, and if Bourdain's books are any guide, probably all chefs have. Hosea makes the bold statement that he's sure there have been other hookups on the show, but he and Leah are the ones that got caught. Andy presses him for details, and I'm sure there are rumors, but Hosea realizes he should shut his piehole, and he does. The judges act like they've never heard of such a thing, and then Richard jokes that they found out about him and Tom and everyone laughs.

So after a commercial break, we're back to milking even more from this non-relationship. A viewer wants to know how Hosea and Leah's significant others were affected by the kiss. Hosea got dumped as soon as he got home; Leah's boyfriend stuck it out for a little bit and then dumped her. She must be really good in bed, because I can't imagine any other reason why someone would date her. I mean, she's pretty enough, but that only lasts so long. Maybe he thought she was going to win, so he tried to stick it out, and then one day was just like, "Seriously? I am killing myself here. And for what? Some free plasticware from Glad? It's over." Andy goes there and asks Hosea and Leah if they are together now. Hosea has been appointed spokesperson (probably because Leah is not that bright) and says that they are "good friends." Andy asks, "Friends with benefits?" Yuck! To steal a phrase from Seth Myers, REALLY? Are there really people out there who need to know if they are fucking? Why? What does that do for you? Hosea points out that they don't live in the same city, but if they did, they might consider dating. Ariane, the yenta, asks if anyone would relocate. Leah says she loves New York, and Tom asks Hosea if he would consider an opportunity in New York, if one presented itself. Hosea says he would because he loves New York. Translation: he doesn't love Leah. They totally had sex a few times, but now it's out of their systems, and they're not the love affair of the century. MOVING ON.

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Top Chef

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