Top Chef
Wedding Bell Blues

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Keckler: B | Grade It Now!
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The Cake Mix Controversy

Gail talks to Colicchio, "It might have been hot, but I don't know if its been sitting too long? I don't know whether they're reheating, not warming through." She squinches her face up really bitchily at one point. It's sort of scary. The Scotti determine, "It's good, it's solid. Not stellar."

In the kitchen, the Little Harold that Could announces that he's out of gas. The whole kitchen is exhausted and depressed. It's time for the wedding cake and petit fours to come out. Lee Anne picks up the cake and says, "Stephen's not here?" Stephen tells us, "The wedding cake is one of the most important parts of the wedding. What we were doing was kind of a mockery of this whole entire ideal and basically mocking our clients." He's just leaning against the doorjamb with a glass of wine while the other cheftestants deal with the cake and petit fours. I don't think I even have enough energy to go off on him any more. Seriously? During this episode, I drank a lot of take-home pay. Lee Anne presents her beautiful ginger-and-vanilla-scented cake filled with passion fruit curd and frosted with white chocolate butter cream. She congratulates and kisses the Scotti. The Scotti feed each other and everyone applauds. The truffles come out with the slices of cake. The guests find the cake flavorful and also discover some surprise eggshells included. Gail turns to Colicchio, "That is so sweet -- wow." Colicchio really hasn't responded to anything she's said. The Scotti like the truffles because Scott -- or was it Scott? -- is "really into sesame right now."

The reception is finally over. The Scotti think that overall the meal went really well, considering the parameters the cheftestants were given. However, the Scotti can't name a single part that they really loved. "I think that says it all," Colicchio responds. In the kitchen, Lee Anne just feels defeated.

Judges' Table. Marcy's expert comment on the matter is, "The truth is, the guests were happy, it was a lovely occasion, but the food did not contribute to it." Whatever, you don't know your ass from a Japanese citrus fruit. Literally. Gail agrees and thinks that Lee Anne bit off more than she could chew. "I think they were trying to get through it as opposed to doing everything really well," Colicchio says. Of course they were just trying to get through it, you gave them SIXTEEN FREAKIN HOURS TO CATER A WEDDING! Marcy was wowed by nothing she ate. Colicchio thinks it's going to be hard to pick a winner. I just don't like the way Gail tosses her head. It's very snotty and self-conscious, like a high school cheerleader. The cheftestants are all brought in. Colicchio is really disappointed in them all. "Now this is going to sound harsh," Colicchio goes on, "But I've had better from a take-out place." Dude, so have I. At Out the Door. Charles Fucking Pham, man! And I don't even have to go that swank. I mean, Ton Kiang is arguably the best Chinese food in the city, and it's always take-out for us. So, I don't know what Colicchio is blithering about because take-out is good. Tiffani defends them and says the challenge was about meeting the clients' needs and, considering what you get a most weddings, she thinks they did pretty good. Marcy leaps on Tiffani's generalization of wedding food and says, "I think that's a problem." Tiffani agrees, "It is a problem." No, what Marcy meant was that it was a problem that Tiffani thinks that way. "Because the truth is, my clients? Expect to get pretty extraordinary food," Marcy to the Starsy says. Did I miss a step? Were the Scotti her clients? No? Then shut up, Marcy Starsy. Colicchio confirms with Tiffani that she would not have served that food in a restaurant. "Then why serve it here?" he wonders.

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