Top Chef
Who Deserves To Be Here

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Who Deserves To Be Here?
Okay, so the iTunes version of the show opens with The Katie Leebot explaining in her flat, impersonal way what this show is all about. I'll tell you what it's all about: chefs compete against each other for the payout of a "state-of-the-art" kitchen provided by Kenmore Elite; $100,000 in cash to put toward their own restaurant dreams; and a "feature" in Food & Wine magazine. Well, let me tell you something: I've since seen the "feature" in Food & Wine and not only was the winner shafted out of appearing on the cover, but the "feature" wasn't even listed IN TYPE on the cover as being one of that month's attractions and a reason why you should even pick it up. So, whatever, F & W, I think I'm going to be salivating over the $100,000 and the brushed steel commercial ovens and stovetops, if you don't mind. Plus, Gail Simmons is a right bitch, so that's even more reason to ignore the much-touted "feature." (Although: SHE DIDN'T EVEN WRITE IT?!) ["And, not for the last time, I'm sure: put 'em away, Gail." -- Sars] The winner also gets to cook at the Food & Wine Classic in Aspen, which just happened a few weeks ago, and will walk around for the rest of his/her life bearing the title of "Top Chef." The Katie Leebot seems to think this is quite awesome, but I think it's kind of gay.

The Katie Leebot drones that Tom Colicchio -- he of many foods, places, and prizes -- is one of the judges, as well as the aforehated Gail Simmons, from Food & Wine. The oddest thing about her position at F & W is that I can't seem to find her on the masthead. I know her bio at Bravo now says she does "special projects" for the magazine, but am I crazy, or wasn't she originally presented to us as a food editor? Hmm. Oh, and The Katie Leebot also thinks that she herself is a judge, but since she's so clearly not, I'm going to pretty much ignore her. Especially since she got her robotic ass so fired from next season.

And now for the credits. Shots of the twelve contestants are interspersed with blue gas flames, the shah-WIIIING of knife steeling, and other shots around a kitchen. I love how one of the conspiracy theories that abounded during this show's original run was that Tiffani's shadowed placement above Brian's actual profile Meant Something. Well, in the end it might have, but not enough.

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Top Chef

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