Top Chef
Who Deserves To Be Here

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Keckler: C- | Grade It Now!
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Who Deserves To Be Here?
The judges dig in. In the back kitchen, Dave stresses. At the Judges' Table, Stephen whispers loudly to Brian that there's sand in Andrea's kale. Roughage! In the back kitchen, DonKen blusters that if his food is good, the judges have to say it's good. If it's crap, he flips their plate. He does this with a hand motion and sound effects cut in later to make it sound like he actually flipped a plate of food, but since there is no actual plate of food there, it just looks stupid.

The Katie Leebot asks Harold what he thinks of the dishes. Harold starts off with Andrea's dish. Tiffani and Cynthia snort and sneer. Tiffani's such a bitch. I won't waste any time hating Cynthia because, one: she's not long for this TV world; two: she doesn't show as much nasty bitchtitude as Tiffani; and three: her dad dies. Harold thinks the kale was undercooked. But if it's totally cooked, you don't poop it out with such gusto! Hey, don't blame me, I'm just reporting what Andrea probably thinks. Harold thinks the broccoli and shrimp are overcooked. Brian mentions that the kale is "just a little rocky" and that the whole dish, while well-intentioned, is a disaster. Hey, don't certain birds specifically ingest gravel to help with digestion? It's the Loon Defense. The Katie Leebot asks for Tiffani's general thoughts. Tiffani was impressed by Miguel's duo of beef: "The three-hour short rib was actually not bad, which was a surprise." You bitch, why was it a surprise? Tiffani also favored Dave's lamb enchiladas. Stephen weighs in on Candice's chicken-shiitake roulade. He somehow manages to swagger condescendingly in his seat and opine, "Definitely an Intro 101 culinary school dish." He also thinks the chicken was overcooked and the wasabi mashed potatoes were "watered-down." Brian, on the other hand, loved Candice's dish. Stephen sneers. Seriously, fishhook, and I'm happy. Cynthia thinks DonKen's fish was overcooked, Harold thinks DonKen is into "fusion...or confusion" (hee), and Tiffani proclaims it "classic bad hotel food." Sorry, I don't agree. DonKen's an asshole, but I don't think his dish is "classic bad hotel food." Classic bad hotel food is dry chicken cordon bleu with garlic-mashed potatoes squirted out of a pastry bag or lukewarm prime rib. In fact, "classic bad hotel food" is pretty much the same as "classic bad wedding food." They go off a bit on DonKen's ego and assholishness before The Katie Leebot asks their opinion of Lisa's risotto. Brian thinks it's done well, considering her lack of experience. Andrea and DonKen's dishes come out as the worst dishes. The Katie Leebot sends the Blue Group off to cook their dishes and turns to Gail, asking what her impression is so far. Gail is not impressed by the lack of original flavors in all the dishes. Colicchio thinks Miguel's duo of beef was the best offering. Keller is bored and hopes the next team steps up a bit better.

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Top Chef

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