Over in Michael's Room of Regrettable Colors, he's unfolding a hand-knotted Tibetan rug, which, he points out, is in line with the arts-and-crafts philosophy of being hand-made. It does not go with the arts-and-crafts philosophy of not looking like crap, however. Michael is also pleased with his decision to use the mix-and-match chairs for his chef's table; he should savor that feeling of satisfaction for the remaining few minutes that it will last. Meanwhile, Goil is hanging his dangling plant chandelier; completion has not made it look any prettier. Goil's room is... all right... but the arts-and-crafts influence seems to be absent and all of Goil's funky touches can't mask that. On the bright side, Sarah the Carpentress is sporting a Team Goil T-shirt, so maybe they can get extra credit for wearing costumes. "Goil scares me," Matt observes. He means in a competitive sense as opposed to a "Boy, I had better wear a helmet around this guy" sense, but either usage of the word "scares" would be correct. Todd delivers the 15-minute warning, which brings about the usual scurrying, only this time with flatware and glasses. A few frantic polishes later, and everyone's time is up -- everyone except for Matt who gets another 60 minutes to fuss over things while his fellow Top Designers gripe about what could have been. "I really would have liked an hour to style the room," Carisa says. "If my carpenter hadn't have been rushing to do the important items on the list at the end, I would have had that time." Hey, remember back when Adler declared that the long-forgotten John was the Mayor of Excuses Village? Sounds like Excuses Village had a recall election and installed a new leader.
As for Matt's 60 minutes of finishing touches, it is, thankfully, compressed into just a few minutes of air time. The main take-away point -- besides the fact that Matt appears to have done a really splendid job on this challenge -- is that Matt has adopted the go-large-or-go-home attitude that will either drive him to glorious victory or heart-breaking defeat: "My wife and daughter would be like, 'You better win this damn competition because if you left us for all this time and you're not winning this thing, don't come home." That is one cold-blooded little tyke you are raising there, Matt. She must be a menace at tetherball.
The Top Designers file into the lavish minimalist splendor of the White Room to once again have their self-worth decimated on cable television. In case you've been napping the past half-hour, Todd recaps the challenge and introduces us to the usual judges -- Jonathan Adler, Margaret Russell, and HOLY CRAP, WHAT THE HELL IS WEARSTLER WEARING? It's a big puffy shirt that looks like something a scullery maid would wear, paired up with an itty-bitty dress. And all that would be bad enough if it didn't look like Kelly beat up Robert Plant and stole his hair. It's just... you know... I'm going to have to regroup here. Anyhow our guest judge this week is... SERIOUSLY, MAN, WHAT THE HELL? I can put up with a lot of things, but I need Kelly Wearstler to get just a little bit weirder on me like I need a hole in the head. ["Personally, she's the only reason I'm still watching. How can she possibly top this? Full-length judicial robes? A trip into the LaBelle wardrobe from 1975? I'm riveted." -- Joe R] Anyhow, the guest judge is Tom Colicchio, whom some of you may recognize as the head judge on Top Chef, but whom I like to think of as That Dude on That Show I Never Watched and Therefore Have No Opinion About since I only tune in to Bravo to watch B-list celebrities play poker. Sorry if that's disappointing to anyone. But you know what? The very fact that he's not wearing a leg-of-mutton-sleeve shirt and a Rock Me, Amadeus wig makes him okay in my book, even if he is aping Adler's socks-is-for-losers look.