We now interrupt the challenge of catering to the whims of rich packrats for the traditional selecting of the carpenters. As I mentioned at the outset, the Top Designers will now be picking the carpenter that will follow them around to the end of their days, or at least until Jonathan Adler dispatches them with a contrived catch phrase. Last week's inexplicable winner Carisa gets to pick first. Of course, since this week is a team challenge, none of the picks we are about to watch will matter until a future episode. So this exercise is really rather pointless. Now that I've dimmed whatever enthusiasm, you might have felt toward this filler, let's get on with it. With the top selection in the 2007 Top Design carpenter draft, Carisa selects Carl Mueller. From the ESPN studios, draft analyst Mel Kiper Jr. is outraged -- he didn't have Carl going until the third round. Me, I would have an opinion on this had Carl ever been involved in any previous episode in any meaningful way. (Carisa says of all the carpenters, Carl has delivered the most finished product, which means he must not have had a lot to do with the cabana episode. They could just be shouting out names at random, and I would be none the wiser. And I suspect you would be, too. So let's see how many of the following carpenter names I list are the names of actual carpenters, and which ones I've just made up: Andrea picks Blair; Matt picks Ed; Goil picks Sarah, destroyer of Carisa's desk; Ryan picks Robert; Michael picks Cary; and Erik wraps things up by picking Jared. To show you the serious thought that went into this selection process, Michael forgot the name of his carpenter during the post-selection interview, and Erik picked his carpenter despite having never really heard of him or not really knowing in advance what he's capable of doing. That's how Mike Brown would up at FEMA, by the way.
Now back to our regularly scheduled challenge: The Top Designers have until 10 -- that's five-and-a-half-hours -- to build everything that needs to be built in advance. Andrea begins briefing the other designers on her plan and telling us, via voice-over why she thinks she got picked: "What I think is unique about my design is that it's really, really practical." Which is nice and all, but maybe I want to hear from the Bells on why they picked the design. I hate to pepper every paragraph with these kinds of criticisms -- well, truth be told, I'm actually staggeringly indifferent about that -- but at this point, Top Design can't even go five minutes without illustrating what the producers got wrong about making a compelling and engaging program.