Anyhow, outside the White Room, Michael and Matt have pretty much reached the same conclusion as Andrea in regards to Carisa's slackertude. "I never saw you all day," Michael says to Carisa. "And there was also no communication from you. You could have went MIA." Carisa disputes that MIA assessment -- she says she was talking to Andrea all day long. Ryan gives a half-smile that seems to say, "At least no one's yelling at me for a change." But Michael has a head of steam going: "I saw Matt moving heavy, gross swimming pools, going through stuffed animals that were drenched with squirrel urine. And I didn't see you move a bag." I suppose we could discuss Carisa's reaction to all this -- "absolutely not true" -- but I know that you're thinking the same thing I am. Squirrel urine? That's a pretty precise description, don't you think? How do you suppose Michael settled on that as opposed to, say, harmless precipitation or the discharge of some other animal? Probably because Michael has urine on the brain: "Don't be a cook, be a sous chef," Michael says when Carisa tries to argue that there were "too many cooks" in the garage. "That's who we are. We're not the chefs in this project. And I've got to take a piss so let's go." I think the great speeches of history would be improved exponentially if they ended on that declaration: "We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender. Now if you all will excuse me, I have to go drain the lizard." That sounds like the perfect time for a commercial break.
Every time I hear Dr. Phil exhort the wonder of Match.com , I mutter a silent prayer of thanks that I have been off the market for nearly a decade now. So do the folks I used to date, I'm guessing.
All the Top Designers have been summoned back to the White Room for their weekly thrashing. Let's start out with Matt, who is pleased with his contribution to the project: "It wasn't the most glamorous job, but I think organizing, going through 50 boxes of crap that was mixed together is a huge job. It doesn't seem the most creative process, but I thought it was a huge success." Wrong again, dumb-dumb, guest judge Mark Rios says; Matt may have organized all that detritus in a single day, but Rios complains that it wasn't "composed." I hate to generalize, but it's statements like that which probably make a large chunk of the population inclined to whap people in the design business upside the head. If I've got a garage full of junk -- covered in squirrel urine, I might add -- then I could give a good goshdarn about whether it's composed or not; I just want the stuff put away neatly in a way that I can access it later. Is that composed enough for you, Professor Bullcrap? Because if it's not, maybe you can get down off the stool and show us how an artiste gets it done. Otherwise, cram it sideways with walnuts. Rant over; judgment continues.